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Secret/Confession ID#736290827 8/5/2009 3:02:51 AM

i cheated on my boyfriend with two guys in one night. one of the guys was a good friend of mine's boyfriend.

i'd been with my boyfriend nearly two years when it happened. i love him dearly and cheating on him was the biggest mistake of my life, i will regret it forever.

i went camping with a big group of people i didn't know too well, (my boyfriend wasn't there). on the first night me, a guy i've known for a while mark, and my friend's boyfriend nick played drinking games together in a tent.

i got completely trashed and mark suggested instead of drinking i know remove an item of clothing each time i lost the game. soon i was naked and next thing nick was watching mark have unprotected sex with me in the back of mark's van. i didn't say no, but i was not in any state to say yes. it's not mark's fault, but i feel raped.

i was so drunk i could not sit up, let alone walk, so nick helped me to my tent and had sex with me too. at least he didn't cum inside me.

the next day i had to pretend to nick's girlfriend that everything was fine.

when i got back to my boyfriend he knew straight away that something was wrong, but it took me a week to confess the whole story. he called me a filthy slut, a whore, and more, all which i deserved. after i told him the whole truth he got up and in a violent rage smashed his beautiful epiphone guitar he'd had from his dad his whole life until then.

it gets worse though.

my boyfriend txt nick asking some questions. nick was being rude so my boyfriend threatened to tell nick's girlfriend sarah the truth, which would be bad since she has been suicidal in the past. nick said "well it wouldn't be my problem if she killed herself."

nick begged me not to tell sarah. but when she txt me asking what was going on between nick and me, i couldn't lie. i think she respects me for telling the truth where nick wasn't man enough to. he denied the incident to both mine and sarah's faces. sarah and nick are still together as far as i know.

it gets worse though...

somewhere along the way i got pregnant. either i was already pregnant before the whole incident, and that's why i got so drunk so fast, or mark or nick knocked me up.

i'd been smoking, drinking, and through extreme emotional trauma, i couldn't have a baby with three dad's to choose from.

having a medical abortion (an induced miscarriage) was the most physically and emotionally painful experience of my life. i wish i had at least taken my poor little aborted baby home to be buried. remembering what it looked like still breaks my heart.

me and my boyfriend are still together which makes him a saint. maybe one day he will forgive me, but i will never forgive myself.i'm so lucky to have had him to support me through all this. our love is something beyond belief.

through all of this i say if you fuck up as badly as i did, confess to the ones you love. if i hadn't of told my boy the truth i wouldn't have him anymore.

i caused myself hell by confessing, but i'm proud of myself for taking responsibility for my actions.

(5) Comments

1\|	good for you, you should have put the baby up for adoption tho

8/5/2009 6:56:50 AM

2\|	yeah you could stick with a loser who thinks bad about you, and you know. theres plenty of other fish out there, im sure you can find a hotter guy,... just learn from your mistakes.

8/5/2009 3:32:06 PM

3\|	correction: it is mark's fault. if you were in no state to say yes then you clearly couldn't and didn't consent even if you had uttered the word "yes", so he's a rapist and needs to be put in prison

3/7/2010 3:22:47 PM

4\|	you fucked up. you got a second chance. make the best of it.

3/9/2010 3:25:51 AM

when i first started reading, i was like "you filthy, dirty whore". but as i read on, i realized that it wasn't completely your fault. boys are filth and they took advantage of you. while you made the mistake of getting so drunk, they shouldn't have put you in that situation knowing you couldn't defend yourself or even make a decision about the matter. good for you telling the truth though. take care of that man of yours. if he is willing to forgive you, he must really love you and therefore, be a keeper.

3/20/2010 3:21:46 AM