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Secret/Confession ID#270080413 12/2/2009 8:57:33 PM

truth is i 'm dead on the inside. after so much rejection, heartache, & loneliness, something inside just broke. the strange thing is i'm okay with being dead on the inside. no more having my heart, hopes, and dreams crushed. i have never felt so much peace.

(9) Comments

1\|	i am really sorry to hear about your series of unfortunate events... however... you may think you feel peace now... but it sounds more like despair... living a life without love... it not really living... i too have been and currently struggle with feelings and emotions that have not been returned... but i know that i can not let that stop me from loving others... just think about it... :)

12/2/2009 9:20:55 PM

i think you have experienced what the rest of us call "fuck it". you've reached your limit of all the crap you can take. you can only be beaten down so many times before you quit and say, "fuck it. hit me. i don't care anymore!" what you need once you get past "fuck it" is to move on to the part where you're done being ambivalent and say "fuck you. i want whatever-it-is, and i'm gonna have it, so there." good luck to you, deadness.

12/2/2009 9:52:59 PM

3\|	i'm pulling the bullshit card on this one. we are not programmed to be ok with emptiness in our lives. you are acting like a coward. weak in will and no self esteem. there is no peace in that. who are you trying to kid us or yourself. just back up a few steps and start over we have a great ability in that it is always possible to remake yourself into someone you can love and respect. just do it!

12/4/2009 7:49:42 AM

# 2 is right you just entered the"fuck it" stage. your heart and soul has taken so many hits where you just can't feel shit anymore. it's like a boxer is a brutal fight after so many rounds of getting the hell beat out of him the pain receptors overload and burn out, and he can't feel hits anymore.

truth is you are going to feel this way for a while your mind and soul are going to under go a very slow & extensive healing process. but one day out of the blue the gusto, the passion, the spark will return and you will be a much stronger and better person.

how do i know this? because i was were you are for about two years. a person with a big & warm heart that got the shit kicked out of it more times than i care to remember, and one day i just went numb. although hitting the bottom is painful it's good because it forces you to rebuild and the climb makes you stronger, tougher, and smarter. you are going to get through it and you will be a better person.

12/4/2009 10:06:16 AM

5\|	wear jordans you fucking cunts

12/4/2009 2:36:35 PM

6\|	apparently, #3 has never been in the "fuck it" stage. lucky you, #3.

12/4/2009 6:54:08 PM

7\|	lol...i am in the fuck you stage!!!

12/4/2009 8:52:12 PM

8\|	you might want to take a real serious look at what you've been chasing. m experience is, if i chase what i don't want, i don't get it.

3/10/2010 4:51:04 PM

i'm going to venture out on a limb and guess that #3 has led a sheltered, safe, cushy little life with few disappointments. #3 does not understand people like you - or me.
to poster: i know and understand you because i am you. i am exactly where you are right now - which is probably why i'm surfing anonymous confession sites in the first place. i will admit that i must have at least a sliver of feeling/hope/something left or i wouldn't be searching online (every night until the wee hours) for something to make things better. i finally opened up to someone who had pretty much emotionally vomited on me the whole time we were together (love confessions, marriage proposals) and suddenly he's not so "in love" (*cough* infatuated) with me anymore the second that i reciprocate. this reinforces a lifetime of learning that when you show your cards - even just one - you no longer get to be loved. so now i am stuck in an endless conundrum: don't show them you care or they won't love you anymore and you won't be happy... but if you don't express how you feel eventually then you won't be happy either. damned if ya do, damned if ya don't. welcome to the catalyst for my deadness.

3/11/2010 8:49:57 PM