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I feel anxious about food, specifically about throwing up.

I think it started when I got a bad stomach flu the summer before high school. There was lots of bad stomach pains and I couldn't eat much. I ended up passing out in the bathroom once. After that, I was scared of every feeling in my stomach and refused to eat unless I was home for about 6 months. For the next 3 years everything was fine.

I think it started again once I got to college. A smell made me quesy and it made me nauseous. I threw up in the bathroom twice. I felt worried that something was wrong again and hyperventilated in the bathroom until someone called 911 because I was close to fainting. The medics put an oxygen mask on me and took me to the hospital. The doctor said I was fine physically.

Summer came and I got food poisoning in Vietnam. For about a month afterwards, anything that smelled like food made me gag even though I was starving. I had to force myself to eat. My roommate was sataying veggies with garlic and I threw up even though I was in a different room. However, I made food with garlic and could eat it. I didn't eat much though. Eventually I became comfortable with my own cooking but Would avoid eating out in case I throw up.

Now I get pangs of anxiety while eating out that come and go. I try to power through them to force myself to eat and get better/be normal. I am fine eating outside food by myself, but I sometimes get nervous when someone else is there.

When I get anxious I feel quesy, and when I get quesy I get anxious. I hope this feeling fades or that I can gather the courage to tell a professional and seek help.

Currently, Im 13 and I enjoy the pain of others. Im that one quiet girl but really fuc*** in the head. I'd be the most likly to shoot up a school. (Don't worry, I really wouldn't.) If i ever did though, I wouldn't want to shot anybody. I'd rather shot at people and chase them without hitting them. See i'd rather cause trama and meantal scarring than physical pain. I don;t know, I like it better that way. I just love the fear and pain of others, but it's not out of control. Like if I saw knew you just got raped, im not gonna laugh. That's fuc*** up. Laughing at that and the act of rape.

Last year when I was twelve, I had depression. I just wouldn't addmit that I was depressed. I didn't have any close frineds, people from the year before never talked to me, I sat alone andnever had anyone to support me.
Well, I had my family but I didn't want to invlove them in my mess of fuc*** up emotions But the thing that had pushed me to the egde was that I wasn't feeling anything.
It was like my emotions had been dampened and were gone. It was driving me insane that I couldn't enjoy anything. The closest i got was from reading so I would read every day and night and passout at 3 in the moring or pull alnighters and go to school like nothing was wrong. Days would pass by so fast and I couldn't rember anything that happened in the day. After (a long time) that, I tried to kill myself.
The overdoze didn't work of cousre, but my parents still never found out. I feeling better than before and im kinda glad I didn't die. I kinda want to watch my little sister grow up, y'know?

I don't understand why I have a phobia of Nicki Minaj? Because I am afraid of looking at her face and I don't understand why her face scares me so horribly? Can somebody explain to me why she scares me?

I think I'll never amount to anything all the time, but I want to be somebody someday you know ? I want to be successful but I lack the ambition or the mental clarity to do so. Instead, I binge watch tv shows and absorb it in because that's the only way I'll feel things other than disappointment and melancholy. Don't get me wrong, I have a degree, a stable job and decent health but I feel like a complete loser. Everytime I do anything I'd rather be doing something else. I want to wake up one day and feel like I'm doing the right thing with my life. I want to have a purpose and I'm afraid of accepting that I'm nothing but mediocre. Or Maybe even less than mediocre. It's killing me.

it all started about 9 years ago. I moved to a new place to be with someone and when I got there he was still with his girlfriend. So I got with the person who rescued me for a bad situation. And that was even worse. He raped me, beat me, treating me like dirt. Talk down to me, I was nothing to him. But I got pregnant, and so I felt stuck. I didn't have any family nearby, I didn't have anybody except for him. And so I stayed, and he raped me three more times, and got me pregnant three more times. So do I for children. About two years ago, I finally got the guts up to leave. I went to a domestic violence shelter, and even then, I let him boy me into giving a primar* custody of the kids. But it didn't matter, two weeks after the divorce was finalized, you drop them back off with me and you only saw them 5 times in a year and a half. around that time I met somebody new, she was so different from anybody I've ever been with, and I fell so deeply in love with her. She was my best friend, my whole world besides my kids. And she stood by me through so much. She was a parent to our kids, she was my partner, she always made sure that we had everything we needed, even when things were tight. And then the kids dad started coming back around, he was mad that I had moved on. And, towards the end of the summer he took off with the kids for 2 weeks. I called the police, but they said they couldn't do anything because technically he had primar* custody. So I just had to wait. And we finally brought them back, I filed for full custody of the kids. Two days after he got the paperwork he was back with the police, he wanted to be a dad. We thought, my fiance and I, tooth and nail, trying to get our kids back home, because the environment they were in was dirty and unsafe. We fought so hard, we followed all the rules, we did everything we were supposed to, and he made us lose our house twice it made me lose my job, and finally when I had nothing he want. Because I was unstable. I was only unstable because he kept tearing everything away from me. I work so hard to rebuild over and over and over again and you kept taking everything away. And now, my fiance has left me too, she can't deal with him anymore. And she wants to get back together at some point, supposedly, but she just needs time and space. I understand, I do. I miss her so much, I miss my kids, I haven't heard anything from her about them in 2 months. And there's nothing I could do about it. I've contacted the courts, the police, their dad, and nobody will respond. I've lost everything, my kids, my home, my fiance, and I just want it all to end. I'm thinking about ending my life tonight. I have nothing left to live for, nobody will be on my side. I have no one, I have no purpose. There's no reason for me to be here anymore. And their dad has them so brainwashed, that they're stealing and acting out in school. They're not even the same children. And now they want to stay with him. I just don't even want to live anymore. I feel like there's no reason. My life is in shambles, and nothing. I just want to go.

Everyone who knew me before 9/11/2001, thinks I'm dead. It's 17 years now and I miss people so, so much! But can never go back. I just read wonderful things about myself on Facebook and I'm really wanting to tell my brother the truth but I'm so afraid of what would happen if I did.

i have no one to tell this, but my life is empty. I have nothing to look forward to and no reason to live. I used to be a person. I'm not, anymore. I'm not going to kill myself. Just drink until my liver gives out. However many years it takes.

My brother called someone a “fat fag” in the car today with my family. I yelled at him (I’m bisexual and even so it sounds like something a bully would say) my mother defended him and I called her out on her hypocrisy (I had said something about priests being child molesters earlier and she yelled at me for that). She took away my phone and a couple hours later, she went through my messages on my computer to see if I texted anyone and then proceeded to invade my privacy. I’ve always liked fanfiction. It was my secret that I kept to myself. Obviously, she didn’t like it. I told her she had no right going through my stuff and said that she did and that I shouldn’t critique her parenting. I went to my room and had my first panic attack. I don’t know what to do now.

I'm 39 and I've recently got tired of living. There is no more hope. My life has been a nightmare and an ever worsening one. And the idea of dying scares me. But having to live my whole life scares me even more. But I don't want to destroy my relatives' lives, so I'm not doing anything.

I know if my mom died, I wouldn't feel a thing. Didn't for my dad, nor my aunt. It's not that I don't care about her; her death would fuc* me up on so many levels. I've just never been able to feel emotions correctly. This hurts me beyond belief because even though I'd be fuc*** up, I could and probably would go on with life like it never happened. And I hate that this is a likely possibility.

a couple of months ago,just a few days after breaking up with a mentally abusive guy where he would basically yell at me for every little thing. I was really hurting so i broke it to him softly..after that he freaked out and lashed out at me again..I was already hurting so i was talking to my best friend about coming over. We live in different towns and i cam only go places by walking so i risked it at night, I ended up staying the night at his place the second day and by the third night we ended up taking eachothers virginities. We didnt use a condom and he came inside of me. Now i think im pregnant because my period hasnt happened. Im really worried about it and am not ready for having a child and dont want children as a young woman. I havent told my family about it cuz then they’d try killing him or hurting us or making me do things that i cant handle doing.Im honestly really scared and i dont even love my best friend like that i just have this lust for him which makes me feel bad because hes in love with me…and I’m in a relationship with someone else and idk when i should tell my boyfriend about the no condom situation amd that i might be pregnant

i did the most pettiest thing in a moment of rage and it still makes me sick thinking about it.

i got mad because my roommate complained about my bf living with us even though i did not hide that during the application process and was never informed of him having to be on the lease. the property manager sided with the roommate and he is no longer allowed on the premises due to him being a oreviously evicted tenant (if i had known you cant return to the same complex you were evicted in i would not have chosen this one but im a dumb ass) i had some sort of psycho rage fit and i pack everything up and..leave bits of chicken behind the washer..the fridge..the couch, the cabinets

i feel so guilty cause i know its wrong and im so scared cause what the hell is wrong with me??

Everyone hates me.

Broken
Since the being betrayed and victimized by the men of my choosing i feel broken and victimized. I'm so scared to be initimate with anyone for fear of being the victim of another mans game. I don't know how to deal with what I'm experiencing as I want to be intimate and I'd like to meet someone but im so scared of being hurt once again. My lack of dating experience was my largest downfall. I went into each situation not knowing much about being single or how it felt to be in a real adult relationship. My innocence to men left me vulnerable, blinded and extremely nieve. I've been cheated on, I've been lied to, I've been violated in such terrible ways that I am afraid of it happening again. I dont want to be bitter nor do I wish to block my blessings but i feel like I'm so damaged. I wanted nothing more than to have my first relationship and here I am at 30 and has never had a real boyfriend past high school. Pretty much I've never had a boyfriend. I crave to do all the things that couples do in relationships, i want to experience all the wonderful things that being in a relationship brings, i want to feel loved by someone for more than just my physical appearance but again im so scared as I've only experienced the worst from the guys that I've ever given myself too. Talk about low self esteem at its finess!

i had a really bad breakup a few years back and ever since i just havent been able to hold onto a guy... it breaks my heart feeling like im doomed to be alone but it seems nothing ever works and when i think it is im just crushed beyond words when inevitably they leave me ofc ive asked myself if its me and my friends and my parents and nobody understands why this keeps happening... it'll be a perfect relationship on both ends, im told how kind i am what a great heart i have they boast about me to their friends im a pretty girl im educated (otw to medical school) i have a car im very easy to talk to men often confide in me things they normally wouldnt to others... im so easy to talk to that i fear it's the vulnerability they can't handle, i hold no judgement in my heart and so men talk and im alrready empathetic as fuc* so i genuinely feel for them and care i just don't understand why they would throw it all away and leave me heartbroken with no explanation

So basically I had fainted once and my doctor thought it must be because of stress as there were no other signs. She gave a no of a therapist I went to the therapist and after some talking she said I had depression and I am not allowed to tell anyone bout this cause 'people don't understand ' and I just realised I hate myself so much and I'm so lonely even with all these friends and I never ever have had anyone who wished me at 12 for my bday I have actually cut myself couple of times and just think there is nothing rite with me I'm ugly I have bad attitude and I suck in studies and I'm pretty sure I'm a burden to my family and my frenz reall you dont care if I'm a part of them or not. I want to die but I keep telling myself to not give up but it's getting really hard now and it's not getting any better and they say it gets over but it's not I don't know how long I can take this anymore God pray I get out of this. Worst phase in my life and I'm only 14.

I do everything I can to identify with fictional characters.
I have bipolar disorder, depression, and anxiety. This leads to a /lot/ of suicidal thoughts and actions. In recent years I've found that by portraying my issues through a mask of a character I can have both flaws and perks.
But in reality I have no perks. I'm a blank shell of a person and just want to swallow the pills to end it all.

My brother raped my sisters and I when we were kids to preteens. We are all adults now and my parents knew about it. They did nothing about it instead we werent allowed to be alone with him. When I was pregnant with my first child he asked to see my boobs. How can someone be so sick minded to want to see their own BLOOD SISTER'S breast while being pregnant with his niece? At a very young age I witnessed him rape my little sister. She was 7 at the time and he was 14. I didnt tell anyone until we were all teenagers because i didnt know what was going on or what happened. I moved out with my husband. My siblings and parents all live in the same house like nothing happened. I can't even be in that house with my kids. To normalize my brother's incest pedophilia by acting like nothing happened is digusting. He hasnt changed. He still the same. I refuse to go back there.

Things are so hard for me right now. I hate everything. I hate it all. I just want to giving up sometimes.