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i had a dream of somone that i had a crush on and that we were like doing stuff it was weird but being older i guess my feelings got the best of me.XD

people always tell me i'm coom. what they dont know is, i am actually very boring. jokes on them, i got em fooled.

I'm a news junkie.

fake news
fake news

It’s time for America’s favorite joke show, “Is it racist?”

-A flight full of people has both engines go out. The pilot calls for emergency measures, as the plane prepares for a possible crash landing. Amidst the chaos a passenger tries to begin having sex with the African-American woman next to him. She fights him off and sunmons a flight attendant. “What the hell are you doing, sir?” they ask, exacerbated.

“I heard when a plane goes down,” he replies, “Only the black box survives.”

Is it racist?

Just remembered a text conversation I had years ago and it made me giggle for some reason.

Me: "Haha, I like you"
Some guy: "Oh I think you're cool, but I don't date girls younger than me."
Me: "Dude I said that I like you, not that I want to date you."

Oh, to be young and blunt again...

im not even going to be in australia much longer... i might not even see you again! but i dunno, over time i have just developed a crush on you. i used to just think you were really shy but then i realised you were really down to earth and not trapped in this shitty rat race everyone else is stuck in. you seemed like you actually wanted to explore and experience life from your own perspective not that which is forced upon us by society. i dont really know when things started changing but i just had this feeling like i was safe around you and you had my back. and i had/have yours too. i feel really protective of you haha, i feel like you prob have that affect on everyone around you. especially considering one persons behaviour. but i dunno man, i dont even care, its kind of weird because we aren’t close but i like you, i could never tell you that because it would be so ridiculous but i think you might be the funniest person i’ve ever met. and also the cutest. definitely the cutest.

jOke tImE!

What’s the difference between grapes and rape?

One tastes delicious and other is totally fine with Republicans!


I just spotted ManBearPig again and No One Believes me and no one takes me cereal I'm so cereal. I told you all about ManBearPig and I warned you and you didn't listen to me. Well Manbearpig is here.

Mother likes to fart Wal-mart and Menards and make random people gag on farts. And she likes to brag about it.

I love being a female troll on the internet and I love to troll random people for $hits and giggles.

I've been really depressed lately, but that's not the point. Today I genuinely smiled because while doing laundry today, as I was walking back to my apartment, this beautiful stray cat I've seen around for months finally came up to me and started rubbing against my leg and pushing its head up against my hand as cats do. As cheesy as it sounds it felt like an anime scene, for those of you familiar. I was so touched by this little moment I started cryin of joy, because I had finally smiled out of something pure, by my own volition, and not just to be polite or whatever. Idk i just really felt like writing it down, it's too insignificant to say to anyone I know, but it means a lot to me.

Im a depressed young woman who likes to make others happy by theraputical conversations and giving advice, its not the best ever advice but its the best advice i could give in their situations but nobody really helps me out with my problems and im fine without it but whenever im down (which is pretty often these few years) they always help me back up, i sometimes feel like i dont deserve it but they just do it anyway and it lifts my spirits Higher, I'm so happy to have this many people in my life even though ive been getting bullied for almost all my youth

I once told a nurse who was pregnant with twins that let's hope it's not Siamese twins. I was visting my mother in the hospital at the time and the nurse cheaking on her was pregnant with twin boys. I wasn't really thinking about it when I said it. Because I have a really messed up Dark Twisted sense of humor and I also enjoy deeply offensive humor. And most women don't understand my sense of humor and I am a female with a sense of humor that relates to guys better.

I tell my psychiastrist I am having side effects of medication
including excessive sweating
she tells me invest in an air conditioner.

thanks for the side effects
i mean medication

I majored in chinese engineering in high school with a minor in chinkonics.

You know how most most artistic ideas aree met with a mix of fans, critics and haters? Well, I have been designing my first tattoo for nearly an entire year. I have gone through about 20 revisions on my computer, printing out each one and modeling it, then perfecting it some more. I finally got around to getting a consult with a local artist with great reviews and am scheduled to get it done next moth. The artist loved it and was very impressed with the professionalism. I then showed my design to everyone in the office. Not one single note of hesitation. EVERY BODY LOVES IT :laughing::upside_down: I am head over heels excited about this! I've never had such a slam dunk of a visual design! I know this sounds a bit manic. But guess what? I've slept on this and slept on this and shared my ideas with tons of people for a year and it's-- guess what-- STILL A GOOD IDEA :grin::sweat_smile: Yay!

When the brown eye winks, the whole room stinks.

10,9,8,7,6,5,4,3,2,1, what happened in that 10 seconds? who knows? that was 10 seconds ago. man up and be happy

side note:

i've never met someone who was diagnosed with depression who wasn't a shit person.

lesson: if you're a piece of shit you will hate yourself and your life and be depressed. so don't be a piece of shit.

i just cured depression!!!

I worked for Starbucks for three years. The store that I worked in was horrible. My manager was a bully. She would target one or two people whom she didn't like, harrass them and make their shift miserable. She would use and take advantage of the people that she did like and would refer to black customers as nig***s.She would also take it out on your schedule if you didn't lick her ass. Starbucks turned a blind eye and a deaf ear until she was suspected of theft. The fat cun* is finally gone. It made my day to hear that she was fired. Finally!!