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Our daughter would have been 13 last month... I can’t believe I abandoned a poor heartbroken teenage girl after I made her get an abortion

Johnny got stinking shit all over his choda after wiping his ass from back to front.

I was sexually abused by my older sister. We're both girls. Currently I am 18 years old and she is 21 years old. It started when I was 5 years old and she was 8. She taught me what an orgasm was. All I remember was her touching me and telling me about "sex". Why an 8 year old girl would know that much about sex, it honestly beats me. She would go on to make me perform sexual acts on her, and she on me when our parents weren't home or looking. This included but was not limited to: fingering, making out, insertion of objects, sucking on breasts, humping, watching porn together, etc. I had no idea it was bad at the time because my older sister, the one role model I had to look up to as an example, taught me it. She would force herself on me. When she realized I was getting old enough to see how wrong it truelly was, she'd force me to do it. This included black mail and physically asserting herself because she was way way stronger than me. I dreaded when our parents went to work because I'd know what I'd have to do. She would also beat me and physically abuse me. This continued until I was 12 years old and she moved out. My parents found out from a Facebook chat I had left open where I explained to someone what happened and I told them with tears in my eyes what happened. I don't think my sister, or anyone for that matter, knows how much this truely affected me. Everytime I think of it I wince and cringe and wonder why I let something like that happen to me... Something that horrible and disgusting. I blame myself. Like, why didn't I tell mom and dad? Why did I let it go on for so long? Did I actually enjoy it?! I know I didn't, but these thoughts captivate me so so much even to this day. I am terribly distrustful of others and often cynical. I am not sex repulsed, rather the opposite. I masturbate every other day. I've been masturbating ever since I was eight regularly. It's like I need it or something to feel alive. Or to feel loved. I don't know how I'll ever find a romantic partner that can deal with all of this. I know any sex I'll ever have will never involve love. It'll all be physical because how else will I ever connect with another human being? My mind is jumbled and I can never think straight. I have trouble communicating my emotions because I have suppressed them for so long. My body is just a bag of bones and flesh and not beautiful. I'll never find it beautiful. It's been used and tossed around and left. Everyone has motives to hurt me and berate me and belittle me. I have good friends, but I know I'll lose them because of my attachment issues and abandonment issues. The thing is, if I ever see my sister again I won't hold her accountable. Deep deep inside I'll want to strangle her, but I'll just let her go because I'm weak and frail and I forgive too easily because I'm afraid to hurt anyone or lose anyone. This anger has been trapped inside for so long that I have no idea what to do with it.
Anyways, I just needed to get that off of my chest or I would have exploded.

When I was a schoolboy in my early teens, an older boy kept hitting on me. He was a bit of a delinquent, and I was scared of him. Eventually he threatened my sister and told me it was to be her or me. So, one school lunchtime, I let him lead me into the woods. If I close my eyes, I can still vividly remember that first rape - being bent over, leaning on the fallen tree trunk, tears rolling down my face and just desperately concentrating on not crying out as he stood behind me, hands on my hips, frantically thrusting into me. Over the next couple of years (until he was expelled), we had sex so many times that I genuinely lost count. I haven't had many relationships in my adult life, so my entire sex life has most likely involved more instances of homosexual rape than consensual heterosexual intercourse.

I may have done something bad and i dont want to tell my parents about iit and i feel like they might find out what should i d? I feel awful and guilty.

I try my best to be understanding and mindful of what my father is going through. But it has always been quite difficult for me as my father divorced my mother out of the blue and ran off to the Philippines and made a new family when I was 10 years old. Sometimes I wonder if he ever thinks about me and regrets not being there. Or if he tries to forget about me and refresh his life, whilst my mother struggles to make ends meet when he took all of the money out of the house they built together. I try not to feel anger or resentment. But as I come closer and closer to my wedding day, I wish I had a father to walk me down the aisle. First world problems I know. I definitely appreciate the family I currently have, there is just one part of me that feels empty.

Years ago, I had my "first time" in bed with an older lesbian when I was 16, which is the legal age of consent where I live.

The Lady I "did it" with was a longtime friend of my parents... When I was supposed to sleep, I eavesdropped on the going-ons of the house before trying to sleep, and it helped I had good hearing... The only thing that caught my interest was that I heard Her talk to my parents about Her past as a Lesbian Domme, in quiet voices thinking I was "asleep".

Being 16 at the time I was curious about it... I heard the talks, and the details... I knew I never was interested in the boys, and I'd seen the Lady I speak of naked in the shower a couple of times as She visited the house... and She looked a lot younger then She was, and was a Natural Beauty. I had done many "girl" things with Her, and She was always my Nanny on Week Days, so I got some feelings for Her... and I fantasized a lot about Her.

One day, I went to Her home as part of a suprise visit since She let me drop by to say hi anytime.
I showed my curiosity in the adult stuff She spoke of with my parents many times, and to my suprise She was amused by this instead of shocked... She answered my questions, and let me indulge my curiosity... I admitted to her my attraction to Her, and She was intrigued by that.

We talked for awhile telling her about my interest in her, and it got to a point where She asked if I'd like to, and I said yes... I won't go into details at what happened during the whole thing, but I left her house with my smile on my face, and my heart racing... I came back many times afterward, and each time no one else found out... we did it many times, and it went on for a full month with everyone else none-the-wiser.

Then one day my Mom saw me talking to her friend on the computer to her about our next "session"... My Mom was angry for a long time after the fact, grounding me, but a week later after not talking to me she eventually took me aside, and apologies... She then gave me a stern warning about the dangers of "doing it" with strangers, and that she will allow it only since it is with her good friend, and If it got in the way of my choirs, or school then there would be trouble... then there was no more trouble, or worry about it.

At 18 after I moved out of my parents house, I went to live with the Lady for a few years since her home was a lot closer to the college... In my spare time I acted as her submissive pet... I encouraged her to go hard on me. I acted like an animal, and walked around on all fours for her, or I'd be her "furniture"... we did some wild things in the "dungeon" as well. I'd never wear clothes around the house either, unless we had guests.

When I turned 25... One dreadful night she was in a Car Crash, and died on the way to the hospital. My parents miss her since she helped them through hard times... but I miss her a lot since she helped me discover myself, and helped me develop a diverse sexual palette, and she even gave me her home, and most most of her things in her will.

Goodbye, Sam***... I hope to serve you in the next left after I finish this one, my mistress...

Y’all so I was 17 years old and my birthday was in 10 minutes so I started masturbating and 5 seconds before I turned 18 I came and that was the last time I masturbated as a 17 year old and the first as 18 within a total of 10 seconds.

Pastor Tod* was my youth minister when I was in sixth grade.

He touched my pen**.

when i was 6 years old my mother left me under the care of my older brother. that evening i was taking a shower and as soon as my mother left he came into the shower got me, covered me with a towel and took me to his room where he proceed to touch me in a hurtful way. he continued until i was around 9, he would constantly do it and make me masturbate myself or made me watch adult videos with him, videos that were not normal. he moved out and never heard of him again and it all stopped but i kept masturbating myself for the longest time until i was around 13 when i realized i shouldnt be doing that. it was not normal. the trauma turned into anger problems, to depression to anxiety. at age of 15 i decided to talk but my mom just cried and said to not say a word. when i told my dad he accussed me of being a liar and crazy. i have never said anything every since but now im 18 and hes trying to come back into ours lives and i dont know how to express myself, or to feel. i get bad memories and breakdowns. ive tried taking my life away 2 times and ive also tried seeking help but i cant i dont know how to start. so here i am writing this while crying in my room with no one to talk to.

It must have been between 2005-2006. An SD high school computer "class" where she intorduced me to this shit. Still think its pretty rad and still think she was pretty hot. Damn do you remember?

Senior white boy in high school, new black senior star basketball player started a month ago.
He's 6/1 slim and good looking, I try to shower close to him, and have seen his dic* start to get hard. One day I swiped his used sweaty shorts, bikini style, the musky smell was so strong it embarrassed me to smell them thinking about his dic*.
All I can think about is feeling his body against mine and his dic* deep between my legs.

I am poor so i am used to going to sleep hungry.

only in the good old..

Growing up, as a kid, up until i was a teenager, or around 11, and things "clicked" for me. I was about 4 or 5 when i thought about this kind of thing. I didn't have internet back then so i couldn't google this stuff, so i jsut inferred what i saw on tv.

I learned about this when i was about 5, my mom rented a movie called Last American Virgin (it was an 80's teen sex comedy, similar to Fast Times at Ridgemont High). She wouldn't let me watch it, i couldn't figure out why, i mean she never had any problems with letting me watch Friday the 13th or Nightmare on Elm Street. But, when she was gone at work, i stole the dvd and watched it anyway.

So, that was my first time ever seeing female nudity. There were a few (fairly detailed )sex scenes in that movie, all in missionary position.

So, growing up, i thought the act of sex was just a man lying on top of a woman. It wasn't until i was older that i learned the actual mechanics of it.

I remember my Job Interview from 10 years back... I was fresh out of College, and had signed up for a position in an Office that my Dad used to work in. This place paid very well, and I figured since my Dad used to work their that I might be able to get a Job here based on that, combined with the prestige of my Degree.

Come time for that Interview, I had decided to go with a Casual Dress that looked nice, but I figured wouldn't send any wrong impressions... Unfortunately the Dress I chose was one I had not worn ever, and it turned out to be a bit tight... I figured it was the best one I had tho, and foolishly wore it.

Come time for the Interview nothing out of the ordinary happened, besides the tightness of my dress coupled with me trying to not let it bug me to much. It went on for quite awhile, chatting about this, or that... while the tightness of said dress started feeling a bit worse after awhile. Somewhere along the way, it happened.

Now, I don't know what exactly happened, but I recall getting approved for the Job starting the next day, and while standing up, ready to head to the Door... *SNAP* something loosened on my dress, and soon it was on the floor, Leaving me exposed.
I was completely mortified since I was half-naked, and I had a long pause before I snapped out of shock and got my dress back on while I apologized profusely... the guy had the decency to look away at least, and thank god that the blinds to that room's window were closed at the time. This didn't cost me the job, but it made getting out to my Car a hassle since I had to clutch my dress in the back to keep it from slipping down...
it also made my start a bit awkward to work for awhile, since I had to deal with the same guy a lot more then I had hoped.

To think, we think some things can only happen on TV, but it is more then possible to have it happen in real life!

i had a terrible memory resurface recently about my grandmother. specifically, something she told me when i was younger

to explain a little first; my mother and i were living with my father in another state, and then they got in a fight and my mom took me and moved in with my grandmother. i started going to school there along with some kids that lived on our street. i was in the 4th grade

one day when i was outside in the front yard some kids from my school rode by on their bikes and asked if i wanted to play. i was excited because at that point because i had talked to them but hadnt really made friends and was desperate for companions

when i went inside to ask if i could play, my grandma got mad, told me no and i had lost my mind. i vividly remember her telling me to 'tell those n***er children to get out of my yard'

i told them my grandma didnt want me to play with them. at the time i was very sad and wondered why my grandma hated them so much when we hadnt really met or talked. i thought maybe she knew they were bad people or something. she never would explain why she hated them, only saying 'theyre n***ers and we dont talk to them' and i didnt understand the weight of the word.

that summer i used the sentence 'i dont hate black people, i hate n***ers' because my mom had said it before. i almost got the shit beat out of me. i should have honestly.

im glad that ive grown as a person and have become much more open minded. i know i was racist now because my family taught me to be that way. im still ignorant about things but i try to be kind and learn as much as i can before making a decision about a person; and then that decision is literally based on how they act and not their skin color.

ive met way more 30-40 year old white men that i despise more than any other group. i find them often times to be bullheaded, nasty, offensive and harmful to people mentally and physically. my sister in law's husband hated me and my bf for no other reason than we were poor and 'didnt have any sense' when it came to business and as such were failures in his eyes. hes getting divorced now ( lol) and im now a student making a decent amount of money on my own, happily engaged to the most open minded, loving person

why the fu*k are people still racist. it takes next to no brain power to realise that not every minority you meet is a bad person, and its a persons actions and words that define them, not their color

im grateful that i escaped the vicious cycle of racism and blind hatred

I let a friend from college fuc* me last week because we were drunk and I just thought, "Why not?" I'm a straight, married guy, and I cannot believe how amazing it felt (after he got fully inside me) to have his cum fill me up. I want it more. I don't know if this means I'm gay, but man, I loved feeling that hot cum inside me.

im a wretched soul. im obsessed with thoughts and i hate myself for it. im
a Christian. Jesus is my savior. i lvoe Him. but i just want to die. i feel like such a failure. i feel like im
never going to be good enough ever to do anything.

For many years, I was seeing escorts once or twice a month according to my disposable income. I started to taper off by hitting the AMP scene to finally not diving into the hobby at all. I have been free of this hobby for several years now, but not one day goes by where I am tempted to go back in.

Now that sites like RB are down, where I left many a review, I'm glad I don't have easy access to this service (although I could start from scratch again but I don't want to put in the work). It's almost like my past history was erased and I can begin anew. I have been with women I would have never dreamed of and all I needed to do was to pay them.

I left because it was not helpful for my social skills nor my wallet. Since the years that I left I do want "it" but I want to be able chat up a girl and take her home. It feels like I'm pushing a boulder up a hill with weights tied to my ankles.

Eventally I would like to start a family but I just want to at least develop my social skills. I do not know how. Just making small talk is a challenge and sites like okcupid and are not getting me anywhere. I hate to admit this but I'm in my mid-40's. What should I do?

I'm dumb and have been all my life.