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I've had a huge phobia of germs since I was around five years old. After being hospitalised with e-coli three times in one year, I really started to get uncomfortable with the thought of having bacteria on my skin. I scrubbed my hands until they were raw but that wasn't good enough. I ended up taking a scrubbing brush to my entire body every time the anxiety started to rise into my throat. It started to show itself in a number of ways too, like not wanting to be kissed by family members, being unable to drink from the same bottle as someone or finish the last bit of someone's food, and being incredibly uncomfortable with someone wearing my clothes or vice versa.

I'm a bit better now, seventeen years later. I've somehow managed to hold two physical relationships without wanting to tear my skin off, but I still do get anxious about a lot of things. If my duvet isn't perfect on my bed, I can't concentrate on what I'm doing. If I don't drink three litres of water a day, I feel like something terrible is going to happen. I compulsively scratch at my skin, and I can't touch my pet cat without washing my hands, even though he's an indoor pet and my mother bleaches the house twice a week to keep my anxiety levels low.

The problem is, though, that my eighteen-year-old sister doesn't seem to take my anxiety seriously. She doesn't understand that I really hate contamination. When she uses the toilet, she doesn't put the lid down to flush like I request. Sometimes she doesn't wash her hands after she goes to the bathroom and then expects me to hold her hand as we walk together. She slides off my bed so that the bedsheets come off too, then complains when I have to sort them out. Today, she tried to lick my skin and teased me by wriggling her tongue in my face as I tried to hold her back by her forehead.

Don't get me wrong, we're close. I love her the most out of our family, and she's the only one I trust. But she has a way of testing that trust. I specifically said to her that the thought of someone else's saliva on my skin makes me want to vomit from anxiety, but she doesn't care. She doesn't care that it has been thirty minutes since she did this and my pulse is still elevated. She just takes it personally and refuses to talk to me for a day after it happens. It makes me feel as if I can't refuse her licks, even though they honestly make me want to rip my skin off with my nails.

I don't know what to do, though. This happens every time she tries to lick me, even though I explain again and again that I don't like it. I've told her in a more playful way - "Please don't do that, please don't!" - I've told her in a blunt way - "It makes me anxious when you try to lick me." - and everything in between. Nothing seems to work at all and it crumbles a little bit of the trust we have every time she disrespects my personal boundaries like this.

i started playing pubg two weeks ago. and now i play it everyday. Yesterday to break my addiction, i uninstalled the emulator from my laptop. few hours later i again installed it. Though my download speed was slow, i waited hours until it got installed completely.
im from asia. I saw different types of players in pubg. one day i got matched with two other indians. we landed and i got the supplies around. they planned to kill me with grenade. One of them was trying to kill me with a machete. what was he even thinking.
This has happened to me several times. Indians killing teammates (from other nations) with grenade to get supplies.

if you have ever gotten someone to start smoking cigarettes, please share your story and tell me how you did it

Go see what you can do for $900. I knew a girl who needed cash money money very very badly one time.

She was willing to do anything

I mean anything. She made $2000 that night.

She was still ok by the time it was over

And nobody every had to find out

Serious drinking problem. Didn’t know where I was at first. Had no underwear on. Didn’t know who the woman next to me was. Knew she wasn’t my wife. Realized it was my best friends wife. Her dress is on the floor and sexy high heels are still strapped to her bare feet. Im hungover and worried. My friend is out of town for the weekend at work. My wife is out of town seeing family with our daughter. I really fuc*** up. I don’t know what happened. Maybe we just hung out?

Maybe nothing bad happened this time. At least it wasn’t me waking up in a hospital again. At least I didn’t get arrested this time. Or wreck my car. Or get a DWI again. I’m such an alcoholic.

It’s been like this for ten years now. Since I started my first real job after college. I have fuc*** up so many times I really have no idea why my wife hasn’t left me. If I were her I certainly would have divorced me by now

Yeah my ex literally only ever wore Yoga pants ... every day - and she never wore underwear

Like every day. Like she wore them to work and to school and when she worked out and when she was going out and just like 100% of the time

She technically owned jeans and skirts and a few dresses but she never wore any of them in the nearly 4 years we dated

Can you imagine that? Wearing yoga pants every day without underwear every day for four years?

The taint itched beyond control. I couldn’t function day to day. Often I would spend hours scratching my perineum, ass and coccyx. Finally I sprayed lighter fluid on my choda. The last thing I remember is lighting a match.

I awoke in the burn unit, my undercarriage wrapped in heavy gauze. A doctor stood above me, recommending a psychiatric exam.

Im just so emotionally shattered at this point. The end.

I have an addiction to masturbating. That probably doesn’t sound that bad but to me it feels that way. Every time I do it and get off I do it again and again. I can’t help it, when I get off I’m turned on even more. Every time I masturbate I do it at least 2-3 times. It’s getting pretty bad though. Some times I’m not satisfied till I’ve done it 7 or 8 times! I have a problem.

I am going to AA, not because I have drinking problem.but because I meet troubled vulnerable women who are an easy lay. Your listen to their sad stories and sympathize with them as you are slipping their panties off.

After my partner started leaving me alone for hours and hours in the morning (~3-5) while he sleeps in unemployed, I started doing drugs instead of people. Sorry. Drugs might kill me but they are there and dont flake.

It's not just being able to communicate..it's a whole psychological harmony... physical, mental, emotional.. we give off vibes... electricity if you will. So many people kill themselves because of u. Its not like you sit there and say yup just because I am not interested DOESN'T MEAN THAT U DO THIS. WTF. How do you cope with it.

Demi Lovato has been on a rollercoaster ride with mental illness and drugs for a long, long time. It's time for tough love. Maybe she wants to die, so let her die. But all the "sorry" lyrics in the world doesn't mean shit if she won't take responsibility for her illness and manage it for life.

Oh my bowels...my bowels...aching, twisted, dull ache... Its usually a bad indicator of events. Its like a seperate entity.

Some people drop out of her life or she gets too much bad psychic energy...assume they are dead. very unsure if feelings are hers or someone else's. makes a lot of assumptions and delusions

I spent near $800 last night on lap dances. God I'm lonely. I am also quite aware I could have had a high class escort for that kind of money

So im aware to be grateful for living and life...but the simple mundanity of it all just gets me. Brushin teeth, eating, blah ..just overwhelming choices. Why so many choices??? Its like feeling left out or you are doung it wrong somehow. The only thing thats weird is i love water...like bathing. Whats crazy is i was drowned in my tub back in 2009.
So im grieving now for a lot of different reasons and losing people i cared about. How can i get back to caring about life when its permantly scarred?? The men i tried to love are dead or gone. The ghosts haunt me. I cant escape their spirits. Im lost and barely able to see into the future or want it.
Its a shadow i dont have to illicit.
I used to have a happy heart. Its all muted.


should I drink Whiskey alone at night? im up late with my tod*ler

I need a drink. So badly. It’s been almost 24 hours. My 3 year old asked me: “Daddy do you need a Drink?” She is right. I do. But all I have is whiskey. Woodford Rye. Bourbon (Makers. Meh). And some Scotch I don’t like.

Should I stay sober or should I let myself have a nightcap? I’ve worked hard, and i deserve a drink in the evening at my home.

Plus, my daughter’s mom is really sick in bed, and knocked out. Her extended illness has really Been draining me: because I get off work then I have 100% of household duties, chores, childcare, and also taking care of her. Now she’s finally in a drug induced sleep - and nearly 10pm so it seems like an ok time for me to make myself a double whisky on the rocks

:nerd: i wear glasses to pee better.

do you miss Austin, Texas?