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what are best weapons against the undead in real life? fuc*** 200% serious

Game of Thrones has me crying and sobbing and jerking off again like its 2011

my dic* is so soft. I smell like cigaretted and alcohol. bourbon. why so serious

I feel like an abortion.

I smoked crack the otber day after being clean for almost two years. I feel so much guilt and shame, and I'm incredibly anxious. I've been having a very rough time lately. I just got out of the psychiatric hospital not too long ago for being suicidal. I'm so lonely and isolated, and I thought I would feel better mentally after being clean this long. I don't feel better though.

I wanted to get high just to feel something, to get some kind of head change. Now, after the fact, I have enormous regret and I hate myself for it. I think of my family and all the shit I've put them through due to my drug use and mental health problems. This would destroy them if they ever found out. Somtimes I feel like a burden, and that they would be better off if I weren't here.

I just needed to get this off my chest. Thank you to whoever reads this, and for all of you feeling lonely, just know you aren't alone. You have my sympathy and empathy, and I wish the best for you.

damn I dream about food
and not being starving

All of the phallic-shaped and pointed objects in my home are smeared with dried fecal matter.

Because I shoved them all up my ass.

I hate psychiatry/psychology.

I don't think I have BPD. I wish I could go back in time and slap those people for giving me meds and therapy. Instead of one of them going: "Look, kid, your parents are toxic ass***s who are keeping you isolated. But once you're 18 you can do whatever you want, so just hold on a little longer and start saving money"

I used to self-harm, but once I moved out away from my parents at 18, I stopped almost immediately.
I don't have any anxieties or panic attacks ever. If anything, I'm actually quite brave and determined.
I'm social and have a large network of semi-friends. I have 2-3 close friends.
I don't have mood swings. No emotional rollercoasters. I do get angry sometimes, but who doesn't.
I don't binge, or do drugs, or fuc* a bunch of people.

...And yet, I think I did have it before. BPD. When I was young. But I'm not sure if it was BPD, or the result of being isolated for many years and mind-fuc***. The only BPD trait I remember clearly having: back then when i'd fall inlove, I'd go mental. I'd get the horrible dred of losing the one I love. Of being left. There was one person who rejected me in a hurtful way, and I totally lost my shit. I'd self harm to get their attention and punish them. I deeply regret all that.

But that whole consuming obsessisive level of love is what I knew to be "love" like for years. Even now, I wonder if what I have today is even "love". \somedays i'm not sure. it feels more like a play-pretend. I hope it is love, but I know if this doesn't work out, I'd be sad for a while, but in the end i'll be ok. It's not crucial, epic, soul-consuming. It's more of a roommate situation with sexy times I have to instigate, sometimes.

I wonder if others feel like that. Like you've had that one opportunity to really love someone, and you wasted it. And you've moved on, and you're ok now. But "ok" looks grey in comparison with the intensity of emotion you once felt.

Does comfortable, uneventful daily existence feel as vacuous to others as it does to me? Is it because i don't have or plan kids? is it because i feel no connection to my parents or have very specific hobbies I can't share with many people?

what am i doing wrong?

And secretly, you'd love to feel like that again.

I've been a sex addict my whole sexual life. I'm 55 years old and still acting out and feel shameful about it. My first teenage orgasm was to porn. As an adolescent, I had friends who's dads had porn so I had access to the mags. I endulged in it at any chance I could and as I developed, so did porn. From magazines, to VHS, to DVD to internet, I was in step and gobbling it up. A hedonistic mono-sexual experience. I did this all in secret. In fact, the secrecy might have abeen part of the buzz. I had relationships and acted like everyone and I thought I was normal but looking back, my addiciton was a big factor in my failed relationships. I was in denial that this was addiciton.

I've been out of denial for over 15 years and aware that this is an addiction. I've done 12 steps for addiction, I've had good stretches of sobriety but deep down its obviously don't want to let this go. I guess I haven't hit rock bottom. I've figured out a way to manage and control it for stretches but it usually ends in a relapse and regret. Thats the pattern of my life. Binge and purge.

I am a drunk. I was drunk lastnivht alone. i was drinking brfore noon. i was driving a tod*ler around with a shakerr bottle filled with scotch and ice. other parents were around and also drinking heavily. i drank all saturday night. mostly dark beer with high alcohol percentage. ialso drank mint juleps. i also drank all day friday mint juleps. I smelled like bourbon and mint when I pised. there was blood in my shit again

im only 38 butim fuc*** terified im an alcoholic

its been this way fot 15 years or so now. i didnt remember being such a drunk everysinglr day in college but I sure do drink alot now

$16,000 last year spend on alcohol. just for me. I added up all my receipts. looed trough debit card statements and credit card statements for my purchases at liquorstores or bars.. checked the math twice... that doesnt even include times I paid cash or parties I went to that had free booze and etc

I spent more money on alcohol in a year than I do on anything else, except my house. my house note is a little bit higher.

I cant stop crying

my wife told me she didnt like this drunkenness everyday.. but she bailed me out after both of my DWIs... when i totaled two cars.

she still puts up with my drinking and hasnt left yet

One of my friends told me that another friend told her that he was worried about my drinking several years ago

i wish someone would have told me how to fox ths packthen

Im so scared I cant ever quit drinking now

i know true love isnt real, life isnt a fairy tale or movie or anything, but sometimes i wonder what it would be like to be loved so completely by someone, and to be able to give my all to that person.

Im a fraud. I go to addictions meetings and act like I've got it all together when really, I don't. I've been trending toward isolation and at home I use a little thinking I can be a casual user like what I percieve to be normal people. I know thats a lie and a little, leads to more and more. This is a sign that there is something I'm avoiding and I'm looking for reasons not to deal with it. Telling on myself helps.

We must strive to find the beauty all around us. Even when it’s ugly. Even when we are in pain. Even when we are failures. Even when we have lost hope. Even when we are ruled by addictions. Like powders or pills or cigarettes or Alcoholism or inappropriate sexual desires. We must try to be better people. Better than we were yesterday. One day at a time.

We can be better than this.

Many years ago I was in a passionate relationship with someone ten years younger than me. I coming out of a failed marriage and in a mid life crisis. This new relationship was an ego boost. Although there was love, it was overly sexual and co dependant. I was an enabler with gifts and favors and she reciprocated with sexual inhibition. For a long time this relationship was the fantasy I had dreamed of my whole life and I felt on top of the world but I came to realize that I was a sex addict and my reasons for being in this relationship were not pure. The more I got the more I wanted. I watched porn on the side which I had done ever since I was a teenager. I knew it was out of the norm but didn’t think I was an addict but the problem was growing. I did not have outside affairs but my eyes lusted on other women which was enough. It was getting out of control and no one knew but me. After 4 years if this escalation, I felt pressured about marriage and like a fool I got engaged without addressing my problems. For 7 months of the engagement I went insane with anxiety knowing that I wasn't fit to be a husband and father. I finally had a nervous breakdown and spilled the beans and broke off the engagement 3 months before the wedding. This hurt her, her family and so many other people. I carry the guilt and shame of my weakness, coward ness and mental quirks. Still, 15 years later I still struggle with sex addiction. I’ve been to 12 step programs, therapy etc and I've vowed to not hurt others and avoided getting into serious relationships. I’ve come to realize that I have never had serious intentions around relationships or having children or family. I’m investigating the psychology around my own childhood, family dynamics and addictive patterns but ultimately, I am fully responsible for myself. I vowed to not be in a committed relationships. I’d rather go it alone than live a life I cannot uphold. I’m not in denial and I manage it well but sometimes I binge. I know there is a part of me that doesn’t want to let go of this coping mechonism I've carried my whole life. I know that holding this as a secret is part of the problem. This confession is part of the solution. Thank you.

my only reason to live is to not make my relatives go through the loss of a relative (me). I wonder how long this reason will be strong enough. I'm so sorry for them.

Trump does not have to obey laws. he is te law. why dont you Dummycrats get this through your thick skull? he is crowned the leader. he can lead for life, that doesnt make him a dictator. Same with FDR who you all loved.

Trump is so much braver than FDR. Trump has to face real threats, like mexican refugees surging across the border. women and children in need of help. they are so brown and barely speak english. some of them carry disease he said so.

all FDR had to do was fights Nazis and the Imperial Japanese. And the Russians/Communists were on his side!

can you imagine if Trump was attacked just because he works well with Putin to help achieve his agenda? Putin wants whas beat for America and Russia both!!!

Russia has Always been a trusted American ally, going back to WW2! Trump said so! Even during the Cold War, Russia really wanted whats beat

Republicans should love Russians, at least the smart ones do! Russians love all the Republican ideals!!! Trump helps make that happen here so we can be more like Russia!! powerful! strong! unbothered by protestors!

anyone who protests Trump is UNAMERICAN!!!

All Protestors shpuld be Jailed and detained without Trial!! we cannot waste money on them! no Lawyers!!!

if You criticize Our President, You lose all your rights forever!!!

Trump Forever!!

[on drug addicts] I don't have any sympathy for the addicts. That might sound harsh, but I don't give a f***. If they're in pain because of drugs, it's self-inflicted. You know what you're doing when you take it

I am trying to develop an eating disorderto get skinny. I quit drinking alcohol a few weekenago because I was an alcoholic and it was too many calories. I have atarted skipping both breakfast and lunch. I try to eat as little as possible at dinner. the only thing that matters in life anymore ia getting as thin as possible

I'm a woman in my early 30s they come here on noteful often it's became an addiction. I leave confessions on here just to get a reaction out of people. I realize I have way too much time on my hands.

I love spicy food. Super spicy. What I don’t love is the tremendous punishment my colon, ass and sphincter takes on the other end.

i have been in an ongoing struggle with self harm for 3 years. this year it has gotten very bad. Only my mentor knows. I wish I could tell her that I dont want to stop because its the only thing that makes me feel worth it, and I wish she would listen.