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If I knew I would live to at least 50 before getting lung cancer - I’d still smoke at least 3 packs a day

Just being honest. God damn I miss smoking so fuc*** much. I was smoking two to three packs a day through most of the past 22 years since I graduated high school. Cigarettes are the things I miss most in life as I approach 40.

Smoking two to three packs a day for 20+ years started taking its toll on me about two years ago. My wife had left me and I was chain smoking more than ever. Coughed and wheezed all the time. Couldn’t walk up a flight of stairs. But then my new girlfriend was into cross fit and all that, she started making me go to the gym with her. She was using exercise to get over an opioid addiction. I am an alcoholic so was trying to use exercise to help cut back on drinking. We were lifting weights, pull ups, push ups, box jumps, rope climbs, and running, and swimming. Eating clean, getting lean and getting fit.

Exercise made me quit smoking because I couldn’t keep up. Never mind the fact that she was 16 years younger than me and college aged (she’d dropped out due to drug addiction and worked as a Starbucks barrista ) - huffing and struggling at the gym for 6 months forced me to cut back and then quit smoking

Strange I never wanted to quit smoking. I just couldn’t do fitness with the girl I wanted to be with and still smoke all the time. So first I was just smoking less, then less, then less. Then a day without a cigarette, then another.

Around that same time I changed jobs. New workplace. Seemed more relaxed. I moved apartments to have less commute and drive time; and to be in the same apartment as my girlfriend.

People at my new job didn’t even know I was a smoker.

I feel like I’m living someone else’s life.

I’m still not 100% clean on alcohol, but I did a 40 day sober challenge and made it. I think I might be able to do that again this summer.

Still, I miss cigarettes so much. Every time I see someone smoking, on tv, movies or in real life, I want one.

craving alcohol. cant Stop drinking.
what is happening

If only to make it ones lifes work to delete all these stupid sites...there would be at the least less contribution to the mental illness of many.
Please someone do it!!!

The recent loss of a certain secrets website a few days ago has me climbing the walls needing to vent and troll. In case there are any fellow former posters on here, I won't spoil the site secret in case it comes back. Initials were S A and it had an orange background. People could be very brutal on there, but it was pure, unfiltered honesty and exposition of the human psyche.

I am sharing this in the hopes I can help change the world for better.:yum:

everyone here knows its past time to BAN GUNS IN AMERICA right?

I've stopped eating because it is the only thing in my life that i can currently control

It’s time to join Scientology. My life is fuc*** up beyond recognition. I’m addicted to alcohol and cigarettes. My career rules my life but I find no meaningful progression.

Normal Secular Western solutions and traditional Christianity has failed me.

Scientology has the answers.

as a salesman, i used to have a pretty bad stress level. maybe other people could have handled it better than me. im just not buit for stress. my doctor told me to quit or make changes asap. so now between sales calls i go to the movie theater, shopping mall and take naps in my apartment. my sales havent really increased...but they havent decreased either. i kind of dont care. i have a lot less stress but if anyone found out at my company, id be fired.

I was a closet cigarette smoker for literally 16 years after I graduated high school. I hid it from my friends and family back Home, and really wish I had not. Leading a double life as a “non-smoker” who had to hide my
Smoking was awful

If I had to do it over again, I would have just come out openly as a smoker in high school

in college I went from secretly smoking half a pack a day, which I had been doing as a junior and senior in high school; to secretly smoking a pack a day, sometimes a pack and a half a day

By the end of college I was secretly smoking a pack and a half to two packs a day and frankly, I absolutely loved it - i just felt guilty about my friends or family back home ever finding out about my deep love and addiction to cigarettes

when I went even further away after college was the absolute best: There were 4 years when I lived alone in graduate school when I smoked all the time, usually at least two and a half packs a day, often times smoking at least three packs a day and I absolutely loved it. I was never happier in my whole life.

the more I smoked back then, the happier I was

but when i got romantically serious with a non smoker in my last year of grad school things started to change and I went back to hiding my smoking

Lying about my smoking for so many years was by far the
Biggest regret of my life especially because it ultimately led to me dating and then marrying a non smoker who hated smoking

then after many years I finally gave in to pressure to stop hiding my smoking, which had sadly dwindled down from two pack a day to a pack and a half a day to just a pack a day, or maybe only half a pack a day sometime after my first six years of working in a strictly non smoking office

These past two years as a non smoker have been hell

I regret my decision to quit smoking every single day

But I should have just smoked openly in high school and then in college always told the truth about my love of smoking and need to smoke

then I shojld have exclusively dated smokers

then id still be a smoker today and Id be so much happier

Oh man... where do I begin?
I've been addicted to online porn for years now.
I'm only 17 and still can never get my school done.
I harm myself on a frequent basic with my teeth and fingernails.
There's a cliff beach down the road and every day brings the temptation to jump off of it.
I hate everything about myself. I've started a suicide note more times than I can count, and yet I still can't bring myself to finish one, because I know what I'll do if I ever complete one. Is that cowardice?
I may not be wise beyond my years, but hear my advice.
If you ever consider starting to get into porn or self harm, take my advice. Don't even start. Get help from a friend then, because once you start digging that hole? You're not getting out easy.
I'm posting this as a mark, however. This marks where I decided to draw a line in the sand. I don't want to hurt myself anymore. I want to recover. I want to pursue my dreams. I don't want to die.

Today, I've decided not to die.

i am empty i am tired i dont remember what it was like not to love you. in the end i hope its you. i hope its you

Is there anyone else who just jerks off because they are depressed? I'm going through some crap right now and jerking just seems to take my mind off things and make me a little less sad. Its not really about the know what I mean?

is it ok if I fuc* my friends wife?

my girlfriend cant quit smoking and its driving me crazy!

She is so addicted she cant even go half an hour without needing another cigarette. she coughs constantly, wheezing, cant make it up a flight of stairs without gasping for air.

yeah she smoked when we first started dating years ago, and yeah shes basically smoked 3 packs a day this whole time. apparently she has for 20 years since high school. since college, she always worked at a bar that allows smoking

but its really started making her health decline rapidly in the past year. she claims smoking helps her stay thin, but shes started coughing up blood and brown mucus.

she refuses to go to the doctor because she doesnt have health insurance - last time she went to the doctor for a routine visit she got stuck with a $7,300 bill ... so she just refuses to go at all now

its getting bad. she has started losing her teeth from smoking. her teeth are rotting out. she absolutely reeks of old alcohol and stale cigarettes constantly. her cough is continious and sounds like a deep rattle. very scary when shes gasping for air

I dont know what to do! shes tried vapes, hates them. tried gum and patches, didnt work. shes basically given up on ever quitting

look: I want to have a real life with this woman. she wants that too. For years Weve talked about wanting to move to the Rocky Mountians in Colorado and work in a ski resort town get married and have children.

but how can she have children and be a good mother if shes working till midnight or 2am every night at a bar, taking shots customers buy for her, and chain smoking at least 3 packs a day?

what can I do here now? her health is getting really bad and shes only 38.

she completely refuses to even try to quit smoking anymore - please help me - I love this woman

masturbating all the time about getting skinny

Being thin is a turn on to me. Uncontrollably. I am trying to starve myself to be thin. Watching the number on the scale drop every day make me so hot

I Masturbate now mostly just thinking about how skinny and bony I am getting.

I cant Stand not drinking

Alcohol is essential to who I am. I need to drink every night to be ok. I need drinks as soon as I get off work.

Day drinking any time I’m not at work is totally normal. Being drunk around my kids is normal Saturday for me. my wife doesnt love my constant heavy drinking on weekdays and weekends but she cant atop me. I drink in the mornings on weekends

I’m only 38. I guess my drinking like his has been going on since I was maybe 25 or so?

I don’t remember drinking literally every single night in college. Definitely went out and had drinks most Friday and Saturday nights in college and many Thursday nights as well. Mostly beer back then - and beer on sundays watching football, was basically like that from say 18-19-20 or so until 24-25 just a few beers a few nights a week, maybe a few more drinks on nights when out at a club

Drinking a half a bottle of gin or bottle or two of wine every single night after work or maybe a six pack or two of beer every single day is something that started up when I was about 26

12 years of drinking heavily every single day

Is this ok?

went to the bathroom. took off my underwear and threw it away

went back to class without anything on underneath.

will you start smoking please?

for me?

why does the government mandate that states cut medicare and medicaid and social security costs by executing rhe elderly and the black?