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my balls are shrinking

Unlicensed contractors and pool workers are the worst. One Hispanic guy in a dark semi blue truck who is an unlicensed worker is being extremely rude and harasses homeowners. There is another guy in who is an unlicensed pool cleaner in a red semi truck and he is being prejudice towards people. Never hire unlicensed workers. It is the same as letting criminals into your house.

Got my heart ripped out and I don't know what to do.

Basically I have/had feelings for a coworker. I only told my closest 4 friends about it, but everyone in our dept found out anyway. They all said they could see the way I look at her.

We've worked together for about 3 or 4 months now. I thought we got along well enough.

Anyway, I was tired of being too nervous to go for it. I knew she had a boyfriend, but I wanted to at least get it off my chest and let her know how I felt. So I gave her my number. I wrote it on a piece of paper. She brought up the boyfriend and I said I knew but just wanted to text as friends. She didn't really answer but her expression to me kind of said ok I'll think about it.

One hour later she walks up to me and gives me back the paper with my number. She didn't say a word. She just walked off.

...
Ever since then I can't get her out of my head. It's only been a little more than a day. I haven't seen her yet though. I hear her voice calling my name when I close my eyes. And I see her when I open them. Not in a hallucination kind of way. I just picture her. I keep replaying the number thing in my head over and over. My mind keeps going between her voice/image and the number thing. It's a cycle on repeat.

I don't know what to do. She's in my head. It's like she's everywhere. I can't think. My thoughts are just blank unless it's about her. I don't know how to make it stop.

I've never felt this strongly for anyone. She's the first to trigger those feelings from me.

My boyfriend has been abusing me mentally and verbally for the past year and a half. Sometimes I start to forget my name isn’t just “bitch” or “cun*.” He’s even hit me a few times. I just suck it up and try to forgive and forget, hoping it’ll get better, but it never does. I’ve been so angry and guilty and mad. I finally decided to stand up for myself though.

Yesterday when he tried to hit me again, I grabbed his balls and squeezed them so hard he threw up. Then I twisted them and pulled them like they tell you to do in all those self defense videos/classes. He screamed so loud, but I didn’t feel any remorse. He caused me so much pain before, and I was just defending myself now. He deserved this. And as far as I was concerned he has no business having any kids if he treats his girlfriend this way, so I didn’t care if I sterilized him.

I kept squeezing and twisting them until he passed out. I stormed out of his house and I never looked back. I didn’t call the police but I probably should have. He hasn’t tried to contact me since. If he tries to I’m going to block all of his numbers and email, and maybe try to get a restraining order. I don’t ever want to see his face again.

Thanks for reading this. I had to share my story with someone. I’m too afraid to tell my family. This has been causing me so much pain for so long, and it’s such a relief to finally free myself from this prison and vent about it on here, even if it’s anonymous.

My list of fears... the government makes me paranoid and I don't trust politicians... I don't want the government spying on me... People who don't experience depression and they are happy all the time like that's the only emotion they have because they're not human and they're clearly fuc*** robots... I'm afraid of being normalized... People who smile all the time and look like the smiley face emojis... plus I hate the color yellow... Tacky god-awful furniture and clothing and wallpaper... I'm also claustrophobic... People asking me why I'm single and why I'm not in a relationship like it's none of your business Martha because I prefer being alone wolf... Being trapped in my small town and never able to leave... Dying in my small town and my soul gets trapped here because that's personal hell because I hate living in this small town... Skin walking Body Snatchers... Demons who want to skull fuc* me and basically rape my eye socket ... Men touching me when I don't want to be touched... Getting STDs that would totally scare me... People who do bath salts because I'm afraid of being cannibalized... Plastic surgery and not basic plastic surgery where someone makes theirself look like a duck with their lips or they all together go over the top and make themselves look hideous and somehow they think they look good and they don't look human... People who tan too much and they are basically naturally pale... Barbra Streisand's nose... The government brainwashing people so basically MKUltra... Getting really horrible diseases... Spiders and coc*roaches... Psychopaths so that's why I go out of my way to avoid people if I believe the are Psychopaths because I'm afraid of getting murdered or cannibalized or even a manipulated. Certain social situations like I totally go out of my way to avoid bars a lot lately and I'd much rather just get drunk at home because I don't want men flirting with me and I have social anxiety... Taking Pharmaceutical toxic meds that are prescribed by a doctors and have way too many negative side effects... Psych doctors I don't trust those motherfukers... Did I say I have paranoia? Cuz I have paranoia? It's not a byproduct of schizophrenia it's a byproduct of my severe anxiety and the very fact that I'm a Cynic and I don't easily trust people. Because anyone who accuses me of being crazy needs to understand the world itself is crazy. And that's why I avoid a lot of people.

I feel trapped here in the middle of Fremont Nebraska because it's flooded really bad and in my small town. My small town feels like an island it feels like there is nowhere to go. But I'm grateful that my side of the Town hasn't flooded yet.

i don't know what i should do. i have terrible anxiety, and intense anger issues (runs in the family) i started self harming half a year ago. my parents saw my cuts, and just pretended they didn't. the most my mom did was give me a hug. this happened back in early December. it's now March. they never said a word about it. you might think that they're just grieving parents who are in denial, and don't know what to do. but here's the thing. they're incredibly experienced in dealing with children with mental illness. my sister is suicidal. my brother is depressed. my other sister is alcoholic. they sent each of them to therapy and constantly check up on them, and talk to them about what's going on in their lives. but with me, nothing. my other sister has crippling anxiety and they don't do anything for her either. and her anxiety is worse than mine. they don't fuc*** talk to her about it. they don't help her. it's like they pick and choose which of us deserves help. i also have hashimoto's disease, and am supposed to get blood work done regularly, and be on a specific diet. just taking the pill isn't the only thing that should be done for it. my doctor told my mom that, and my mom literally got me the pill, and forgot about it. she doesn't even bring me in for blood work unless the doctor says she absolutely has to. the doctor also told my mom i needed to get a physical back in November and my mom just never did it. here's the thing, when it comes to literally anything else, my parents are totally normal. they help me with school, let me partake in activities in church, drive me when i want to go out with friends, ect. they're apart of my life, but when it comes to my health both physically and mentally, it's like they don't care. my sister i mentioned earlier, they care a lot about her physical health, but don't do jack about hier anxiety. sometimes she can't even function because of it. i also suspect she has border line OCD. they even said the same thing once. but don't talk to her about it. her and i have become so closed off. the only person my sister and i talk to about these kinds of things is her boyfriend. he lets us rant, asks us questions, and just tries to help us. this is why I've become such good friends with her boyfriend, and why the three of us are so close. he's the only person we feel like actually cares about us. because he often shows us that he cares about us. he will sit down and have a conversation with my sister, and he will do the same for me. my parents do this: "are you okay?". "no". "oh, well sorry" (or) "what do you expect me to do about it?" i just don't know what to do anymore.

I think about you in the dead of night. On days when I'm reminded of old memories or when I go through old messages with our friends. I miss you a lot and it's cheesy to say but really, you knew me in ways no one did and for that I was grateful. You genuinely loved me and I don't think I'll find that anymore. I treated you like shit though. I ruined you. On nights like this I wonder how you're doing. I wonder how your life is. I wonder how your mom is doing, she always treated me so nicely I loved being around her, she felt like a second mom. I wonder how the cats are, I know satan (not the real name) liked me a lot and you always joked about how he liked me more than you. I wonder how boogie (not the real name) is doing, if he even is still alive. Poor cat had many problems and you had him for so long I wonder often about them. I wonder how you're doing for yourself. Your transitioning if you've even told your mom yet. I remember you said you'd want me there for it and I'd still love to be there for it. If you have started how far are you? I'm so stoked for you to start testosterone. I miss being able to text you. There's been a lot of things that have happened that made me want to shoot you a message but I couldn't. I'm proud of you though and I genuinely hope you're happy and doing well for yourself. I want you to thrive and do good things because you yourself are an amazing thing to happen. I miss you often and hope you're doing good. I wonder if you ever think of me too? Wanna message me sometimes, like I wanna message you? I hope you're doing well kid.

An rude Hispanic unlicensed ac worker in Palm Desert, California with a dark blue truck pissed me off so much that he is getting fired.Soon he'll have to scam off others with no success.

I get the feeling that God wants to see us suffer for cruel sick entertainment. Everyday and Every night, bad stuff keeps happening to us.

I'm planning to run away because I'm honestly too scared to suicide. no, there's probably nothing that you can tell me to change my mind. but here's the thing. I'm debating to or whether to not tell the guy I love that I basically love him. I don't know whether to text him to tell him in person or tell him at all. Advice?

the moment you get to know more about yourself can be very good and enlightening sometimes but other times can be scary, shocking and devastating as it is now.
this moring i realized that i fear sex , i fear being touched by someone even if i love that person. i feel ashamed of my body as well,i feel it is so ugly to be seen and i should cover it forever. i am ashamed of my unability to be a girl, to feel like a girl or even to like being a girl. i wanna blast out of crying now. plz someone hold me for a while,plz, plz, i am not weak , i am just a human.

I hope those who severly wronged me suffer in the worst way possible. The saying 'I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy" doesn't apply to me in the slightest. I don't get revenge as I'm not that type of person. I just hope and wish the worst for incredibly awful people. Some people really do deserve the worst. Fuc* them. I wish hell existed so they could burn up in it for all of eternity.

look me directly in the eyes and I will skull f*ck you.

god did not give us the innate ability to control the future of those we hate for good reason. because there’s a lot of people i’d drive to suicide. :grinning:

I was sexually assaulted at 16 after I went to a party post breakup w a boy who had cheated on me. I was “rescued” & taken home. My friends were supposed to have waited for me, but didnt.
Later when I was 19 I was raped at a gathering some of my coworkers used to have every few weeks. I had gotten into an argument w my bf, who was the one who rescued me at the first party, & told him not to come w me; he went out w his friends. I spent the night at my coworkers house since we had been drinking, & I woke up to one of their cousins, who had been in town, over me. I’m not going into details, but Im sure you get the idea.
Mid way through Dec, I ran into the boy who had cheated on me before that first party that caused the breakup & we were catching up. It’d been 6 years since it all. We had been talking, & I opened up a lil about that party w my coworkers to him without mentioning any names or timeframes. He assumed I had meant that party when I was 16.
I found out through him & by questioning a few of my “friends” after that they left that party after hearing what was going on down stairs w me. Also that I was not the first girl that had happened to! It was apparently a recurring thing but I didnt know this til WAAAAY later.
My dad was extremely strict so I shouldnt have even been out but they promised to get me home before it got too early. They completely ditched me in the middle of that instead of helping me. My rescuer had only known me for all of 3 days before this, whereas my friends of 4 years ended up abandoning me. They had assumed Id been raped & thats what they had told the few that questioned what they assumed had happened, while making sure to tell em not to tell me & those fuc* faces listened which hurts the most.
Keep in mind: I was 16, I had a strict dad, a step mom who called me a whore, friends I knew ditched me (they used the excuse they just couldnt find me back then) :unamused: & sisters who didnt defend me because I was supposedly the blame for us being on strict lock downs for my parents discoverin I had had a bf & we only kissed :rolling_eyes: (in fact, none of me & my sisters got close til we were all 18 & all out of my dads house). But all of this meant I had no one to confide in, so I turned to drugs & drinking; even at school I was getting fuc*** up & no one noticed (teachers anyway). A lot of people assumed I was spiraling because of my breakup, we had been together 2 years & I was crazy about him, it was totally obvious, & again I was 16. He, on the other hand, was just a man whore, who I realize now doesnt give a fuc* about anyone (he now has a daughter w the girl he supposedly fell in love w in hs but he abandoned her after they had a baby & then he moved outta town).
I broke up w my rescuer after that 2nd party since I was ashamed of what had happened. I blamed myself for the longest.. I shouldnt have started an argument w him that night, everything wouldve been much different.
After confronting all my friends post ex meet up in Dec, I dropped em all officially to forget one of the worst times in my life. I spiraled again. Guess who shows up outta nowhere ??
My rescuer! *Ahem* Still no happy ever after. He moved back w his mom outta town post our break up but came back to see me, not because of everything going on w me at the moment; he has his own news. His girl cheated on him! He wants to break up w her, I get happy thinking ‘wow I get another shot to fix this!’ SIKE! Turns out shes pregnant, timeframe apparently matches being intimate w him at that time so high chance its his & he wants a chance to make his fam work but needed a break from her at the moment & confides in me.
To add to this, I met another guy before Dec who I had been chatting w for about a year at this point. We’ve mainly kept it friendly & I just really enjoyed the con

I am a depressed jobless engineer, I feel like I am wasting my time and my life, what should I do ?

I hate this world so much. Sometimes, I think I would be better off if I never existed.

i'm not suicidal or anything (and that isn't something I'd ever do) but I genuinely don't want to exist anymore. Life is just...such a drag and I'm not excited about my future anymore. If there was another way out, I'd take it.

i hate how eating ass is becoming a norm. Then again, it'll weed out the subhuman waste by way parasitic infections, e coli poisoning, sepsis, so I guess it's not a bad thing.