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it's 4 am

I can't sleep

why? because I've masturbated

does it happen to u guys?

I hate myself, so much, and I hate that I hate myself
It's strange, I feel as if I'm not worthy to be mentally ill, I'm seeing a therapist for Anxiety and Depression, but I really hate myself for it. I've had an ok life, I have friends, food, we're rather okay when it comes to money, but for some fuc*** reason I hate everything and feel miserable all the time.

I've always been considered a "weird person", I don't really like to conform to society. I don't mean this like, I try my hardest to be goth and different, I just don't want to do the things other people like to do, I don't want to me a cutout copy of everyone else, I don't want to see or talk about this famous person or see that movie or watch that show, I don't want to do grown up things. I want to be my own person, with my own interests, with control over my own life. It's simple. However, it's also one of the main reasons why I got bullied when I was younger (The other reason being my mother forced me to have my hair in a pixie cut and I looked hidieous because of it).

When I say bullied, I don't mean people would physically abuse me, or anything, I was just excluded. I was avoided, alienated. If I touched someone, they would cringe away, and their friends would run away because they had the "(myname) touch". Bullshit kiddy stuff like that. I told a teacher, and the principal, but jack shit was done and it mostly just made the kids more bitter towards me.

That was just my childhood, really, but the rest of my life has been pretty much as uneventful and yet I still manage to feel absolutely miserable. I still want to die, I still feel hard done by.
Truth is, I'm a whiney attention whore. I shouldn't feel this way, yet I do. I don't deserve sympathy, I shouldn't waste a therapist's time, I shouldn't be a waste of resources in general

I am completely
fuc***
useless

1) I feel like I'm going to self harm or kill myself soon. I feel like no one choses me for anything, I can't live on like this. It's not like I was living much in the first place. I want to die, but i dont want to fail at it. I don't want to be hospitalized again.

2) I love you so much baby, but it is so damn hard being so far from you. I've contemplated leaving you multiple times. But I love you so much. You don't know that I've wronged you and broke promises and I'm so sorry. I don't deserve you and your love. It's so hard being states apart.

3) I hate you. You are so narcasisstic and selfish and tbh, you're a ho. you act like royalty, like you should be treated like the best. You see yourself as a princess but really you're a prostitute. Everywhere you go you bring drama. You're so rude to everyone. You're abusive to one of my friends and you claim to be her freind, but you're too clingy. You insult her, take her lunch, her energy. I'm sick of you. Just because you have a big butt and big lips doesn't mean you deserve the world and that everyone should accomodate to you. Yea, you're pretty on the outside, but you are the most ugly, unattractive, conceited, selfish on the inside. I had the bad luck to meet you and be in a ton of classes with you. I love how my mom writes you a reccomendation for a camp you want to work at or whatever, and then you give her class evaluation a crap rating. My mom has been so kind to you, and when she calls you out on how you won't do what she says, you get mad.

4) I hate that you always act so sad, looking for peoples pity. Stop throwing pity parties so people will feel bad for you. I don't believe for one second you actually have depression. You say you want to do "stuff with me" but I don't want to do stuff with you though. Take a hint. I hate that your family left you but seriously though, I hate that you stay at my house. You snore really loud and I sleep even worse than I already do. You want everyone to accomodat to you. Also you smell bad. sorry.

5) I want to kick you so hard that all of your daddys money and your head comes flying out of your ass. I hate you and your group, getting everything you ever wanted. getting all the awards, all of the love. You get to be sponsors, you all are annoying. You all look and act the same. I hate you just as much as I hate #3. Your laughs are so annoying and you talk way too much and you are rude to my mom. I despise you.

I grew up with a mean and absent father. Though he clearly didn't care about his family or liviing conditions, something about him just made him my favorite.
I've been realizing more things he's done that are sketchy, though they seemed fine at the time. He never disciplined me. He once gave me a massive knife to open a toy with, and when I cut myself and began bawling he didn't seem to care. He used to act like he was asleep until I came closer to him, then grab me and pin me to the bed/ couch and just hug me there. Probably the worst thing he's done was offered to make a cast of my chest and stomach. He claimed it was for a costume, him being into that stuff at the time. He never intended on making a costume. He tried to convince me to take my bra off. He offered to put the plaster on me.
To this day I'm not sure if I want to connect with him, or if he'll just hurt me. I need a dad. I know I do. And that man is not a good one.

No matter how much I try, I feel like I will never get away from crazy suicidal tendencies. I see my psychiatrist and my psychologist, but triggers. I feel like I won't ever get out of this. I want to.
I take things so personally sometimes. I am an adult and free, but Im still in a cage. I feel like there is no escape sometimes.
No matter where I go or what I do, I run into the same problems. I thought if I escaped home then I would be able to escape my mind. But it's not how it works. The demons stay with me. It's unfair. I feel like I came into the world with a serious handicap compared to other people.
A handicap that isn't visible, but it's there. I do so much to get to where a person is naturally. But my home was a chaos growing up, and growing up, I just wanted to die.
I'm glad this is anonymous.

I age 13 i was molested by my stepdad. I didnt told my mom because she was already pregnant and my stepdad was my best friend’s dad...
ever since that day i havent been myself. My family always ask me why i hate him and its sickening when they see me as the bad guy. but i guess its my fault for not telling them, this is the price i have to pay so my mom and my best friend to not get hurt by his actions. its getting really hard to put up a happy face now adays for everyone.

I wish it would all end. I can't face another sunrise.

I'm tired of being pushed and pushed to make myself vulnerable only to be told I'm being "dramatic" when i finally do. I'm tired of slowly growing to trust someone only for them to laugh in my face when I tell them my fears. I'm so very tired of trying to explain social anxiety to people who think I'm just shy and I can fix it if I try harder. And most of all I'm tired of trying to defend myself.

I've been dealing with this guy for years now. I found out he slept with my younger sister a few years back. One day I ran into his brother who we just attractive as him and I slept with him on several occasions out of revenge mostly.Skip a few years forward the exact and I rekindled I confessed and we put it past us. Then I in a relationship and broke his heart so come to find out he slept with my sister again. This time was much worse as at first he didn't know her but this time he knew. Now I'm wanting to look his brother up and sleep with him again.

I'm 4 months pregnant and dying for a drink! I'm an alcholic and haven't touched liquor since finding out I was pregnant. I'm constantly cranky and crying randomly because i want a drink but know I shouldn't have one.

The first time I went fishing and loved it, I was 9 years old. Then, nearly over a decade later, I wanted to do it again. Did it again, saw my step dad catch a fish, and now I don't want to go fishing ever again after seeing how those fish struggled to live. Firstly, my stp dad caught a baby (about half a foot long) beautiful little albino fish with a yellow stripe in the middle, and when me and my mom and the other girls begged him to let the poor fish live because it was just so small, he gave us the nastiest look and dumped the poor thing in the cooler. The poor creature shook that cooler for nearly 10 minutes before it stopped moving. Then the next fish he caught broke my heart. It was only a few inches bigger than the baby fish, and what traumatized me was how you could literally hear the creature GASPING for BREATH. Have you ever heard a choking tod*ler? THAT'S how that innocent fish sounded like while my step dad removed the sharp hook from its poor punctured mouth. I've never heard a fish gasp for breath before. I can still hear it in my sleep. How can people enjoy this torture? Abducting these living, breathing beautiful creatures, injuring them, causing them unmeasurable stress, and leaving them to suffocate and die in a freezing box of ice? These animals have beating hearts that race when they're gasping for air. I don't know how no one else feels the amount of pain that I feel for these creatures. What a horrible way to die, and for what reason? All they do is coexist in the ocean, and we mercilessly kill them. I remember when a fisherman once said that fish are nothing but "swimming machines made to eat" Really now? That just makes my blood boil. Seeing fish suffocate and die as they gasp for air, as they fight to live, and you're gonna preach me with that BS. The last fish my step dad caught was flopping and struggling to breathe for TWENTY WHOLE MINUTES. Even when he stopped moving, the poor thing was STILL trying to breathe! When it finally died, it's gill was spread wide open like a gaping hole. That creature literally tried so hard to take its last breath. It suffered and suffocated for so long, while everyone else is laughing and making fish food jokes. I don't get it. I wanted to cry. Recent studies have even shown that fish feel pain. I just can't fathom this cruelty

the hardest thing in the world is to look into your girlfriends eyes and realize that in a few seconds you are about to become her ex. That terrible moment when you find out that she has wanted to move on for quite some time..but is only telling you now. That painful second when its apparent that there is absolutely nothing you can do to win her back and that in her mind...its been over for a while and she thinks she is being kind by just fading out. The second hardest thing is that after you analyze everything she said to you months later...you have to come to terms with the fact that she never wants to see you again...or be in contact with you.

I'm a high schooler. I feel like I'm not really capable of sharing my feelings, not entirely because I think that it's kind of silly, but also because I tell myself that I shouldn't be complaining. I will totally admit that I am very very fortunate with opportunities in life, which is kind of why I argue with myself whenever I feel bad. I have been told that I'm a cynical person, and I guess I agree, but at the same time I really hate to say it because it makes me seem like a know-it-all, "look at me, I can psychoanalyze everything" guy. I think my self esteem is pretty low, I am really good at finding flaws, especially within myself, but I'm even better at suppressing emotion. What I mentioned earlier about not being able to share feelings is also partially because I don't really have a ton of close friends. This isn't me being coc*y when I say this (I really really hate super arrogant people), but I think there are people that do envy me for academics or sports, and I really hate it when I feel bad about myself because of this. I don't know if it is some weird bipolar thing or what. I see myself as a realist, who is pretty good at seeing through stuff, but at the same time I hate it because I feeling like I'm being the ass*** who thinks they know everything. I don't really know what to do with this stuff, I've just never really put it into words, and even while I type this I want to delete it because it feels like I'm just begging for someone to comfort be or give me attention.

I feel so fuc*** lonely, I wouldn't care if I died before I ever got a girlfriend.

its time to ban most guns America

no more mass shootings.

1) functionally Ban all semi autos. make them class 3 registered with ATf and super hard to et like machine guns are now. limit them severely, with diligent background checks into criminal and mental illness

2) a single arrest should get a person disqualified from being ableno own a gun. a single arrest for any reason at all, or a conviction of any crime, even a misdemeanor. that should trigger a ban on ownership.

3) no guns and drugs. if a person is on any registered narcotic or anti depressant or anti psychotic: they must be not allowed to own guns. no prescription drugs like prozac, ambien, adderall, oxy, lortab, nothing like any of those.

4) limit number of guns that can be owned by 1 person without a valid reason and register all of them. limit to 1 rifle, (bolt action or lever action) 1 shotgun (over/under or pump), 1 pistol (revolver), no one needs more than that. limit to 100 rounds total a year.

5) track guns and bullets. this can all be tracked by computers easily. look at how easily facebook tracks you all the time. if a person want to have more then they can apply for a class 3 permit and give reasons and justifications, and pay the fee.

6) charge people for owning guns. $500 annual tax for an extra class 3 weapon, tjat is just 1 more gun than the 3. - $1000 annual tax for any semi auto firearm

7) police and military are exempted. if you are a

tax the absolute hell out of owning guns and people will stop having arsenals.

8) publicly punish violators. the first rednecks who say they are going to revolt and start a revolution should be publicly arrested, with all of it atreamed online. show their entire sordid histlry. talk about their drunken past, their ignorant views, the girls they date raped, all of it. throw them inna stockade.

after that, throe the gun toting rednecks into the blackest prison general popultion possible.

Dedicate police forces to make it happen: targeted policing if needed for collecting guns. use black cops or mexican cops to disarm the rednecks. use redneck cops to disarm the black people and mexicans. or use private security to do it.

no more mass shootings.

people still can have a second amendment - 1 rifle bolt action limited to 5 bulles, 1 shotgun, pump limited to 3, and one revolver, limited to 6 bullets: all of that is bearing arms. no one needs more than that.

bows and arrows and cross bows and axes and hunting knives are still legal. people can atill go buy those and follow the applicable laws for those edged weapons. those are all arma under the second amendment

no more mass shootings

lets stop this now.

you guys can help me

end the violence

I hate my damn period. I hate it so freaking much. Been trying to freaking sleep for 3 mother freaking hours and I can't because the damn stupid ass pain is too damn much. I have no painkillers, my damn uterus or whatever the hell hurts feels like my whole fuc*** hips/lower abdomen is ripping open from the inside out and it's fuc*** 3 am and I have errands tomorrow. Piece of shit period why does it exist. I'm at a point where I want to freaking murder something. This is so unfair. hqve to vent my anger here otherwise I'll explode from this shitty ass frustration. excuse my language

I used to be addicted to cutting myself for years and I think I've recovered but whenever I see the scars on my legs I want to cut again. My family is strongly against tattoos but I want to get my scars covered up. I'm worried that if I get the tattoos they will stop speaking to me, but I can't recover like this.

I can't get over the fact that I lost my virginity to a hooker 20 years ago, although it didn't trouble me much back then.

my shit is not right. its been ruinous all week

im afraid Im really sick. but I cannot go to the doctor because I am broke, only can find work part time and have no health insurance

I honestly wonder if I'll be able to get over my life.