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I feel trapped here in the middle of Fremont Nebraska because it's flooded really bad and in my small town. My small town feels like an island it feels like there is nowhere to go. But I'm grateful that my side of the Town hasn't flooded yet.

I have the opposite of the Ted Bundy effect. I'm unattractive, have a facial paralysis, have Tourette's Syndrome, and am socially anxious/awkward at times. I imagine people think I'm deranged and a potential serial killer/rapist.

I watched the video of the New Zealand shooting.

depression is like having a cloud over your head

Back in my day the saying used to go “if its not Boeing I’m not going”. Not so much now eh!

Eveytime I see you my heart skips a beat. I am not really sure why I am crazy about you but I am. I know it is best to just try and suppress these feelings but I want so badly to hold you.

I was sexually assaulted at 16 after I went to a party post breakup w a boy who had cheated on me. I was “rescued” & taken home. My friends were supposed to have waited for me, but didnt.
Later when I was 19 I was raped at a gathering some of my coworkers used to have every few weeks. I had gotten into an argument w my bf, who was the one who rescued me at the first party, & told him not to come w me; he went out w his friends. I spent the night at my coworkers house since we had been drinking, & I woke up to one of their cousins, who had been in town, over me. I’m not going into details, but Im sure you get the idea.
Mid way through Dec, I ran into the boy who had cheated on me before that first party that caused the breakup & we were catching up. It’d been 6 years since it all. We had been talking, & I opened up a lil about that party w my coworkers to him without mentioning any names or timeframes. He assumed I had meant that party when I was 16.
I found out through him & by questioning a few of my “friends” after that they left that party after hearing what was going on down stairs w me. Also that I was not the first girl that had happened to! It was apparently a recurring thing but I didnt know this til WAAAAY later.
My dad was extremely strict so I shouldnt have even been out but they promised to get me home before it got too early. They completely ditched me in the middle of that instead of helping me. My rescuer had only known me for all of 3 days before this, whereas my friends of 4 years ended up abandoning me. They had assumed Id been raped & thats what they had told the few that questioned what they assumed had happened, while making sure to tell em not to tell me & those fuc* faces listened which hurts the most.
Keep in mind: I was 16, I had a strict dad, a step mom who called me a whore, friends I knew ditched me (they used the excuse they just couldnt find me back then) :unamused: & sisters who didnt defend me because I was supposedly the blame for us being on strict lock downs for my parents discoverin I had had a bf & we only kissed :rolling_eyes: (in fact, none of me & my sisters got close til we were all 18 & all out of my dads house). But all of this meant I had no one to confide in, so I turned to drugs & drinking; even at school I was getting fuc*** up & no one noticed (teachers anyway). A lot of people assumed I was spiraling because of my breakup, we had been together 2 years & I was crazy about him, it was totally obvious, & again I was 16. He, on the other hand, was just a man whore, who I realize now doesnt give a fuc* about anyone (he now has a daughter w the girl he supposedly fell in love w in hs but he abandoned her after they had a baby & then he moved outta town).
I broke up w my rescuer after that 2nd party since I was ashamed of what had happened. I blamed myself for the longest.. I shouldnt have started an argument w him that night, everything wouldve been much different.
After confronting all my friends post ex meet up in Dec, I dropped em all officially to forget one of the worst times in my life. I spiraled again. Guess who shows up outta nowhere ??
My rescuer! *Ahem* Still no happy ever after. He moved back w his mom outta town post our break up but came back to see me, not because of everything going on w me at the moment; he has his own news. His girl cheated on him! He wants to break up w her, I get happy thinking ‘wow I get another shot to fix this!’ SIKE! Turns out shes pregnant, timeframe apparently matches being intimate w him at that time so high chance its his & he wants a chance to make his fam work but needed a break from her at the moment & confides in me.
To add to this, I met another guy before Dec who I had been chatting w for about a year at this point. We’ve mainly kept it friendly & I just really enjoyed the con

my old girlfriend is a secretary for the lawyers office in west Virginia for the woman who sued Wal-Mart for $17 million dollars for being detained for shoplifting.

the woman will be paid $17 million for being hurt while shoplifting... Im guessing 1/3rd of that, or about $5.7 million will go entierly to the lawyer...

my ex told me that none of the secretaries who worked on the case late nights and weekends and were denies vacation are getting paid a bonus. not even $1 extra. the main lawyer is keeping all of the money for himself - even though apparently all the legal secretaries and a much younger lawyer did all the work...

this is America. 10 people do allfhe hard work, give up time with families, miss holidays, work nights and weekends and none of them get paid anything extra at all. no overtime. no bonus. no walmart gift card. not even some discounted christmas socks going on sale out of season. they get nothing...

nothing. all those extra hours, extra days and weeks, no extra pay at all.

one fat cat old lawyer gets $5.7 million all to himself

and one ladywho was shoplifting gets the other $11.4 million

justice is served. screw the workers, they get nothing. one guy gets all the money for other peoples hard work. isnt that exploitative capitalism at its worst? isnt that the american way

everyone is 100% ok with this

The Bomb shelter and doomsday preppers business is booming - they know what’s coming. I recently made a truck delivery to this place in East Texas that makes bomb shelters all day everyday, and the guy I talked to there said their business has been exploding since Trump was elected and that he has been getting a lot more orders for high end bomb shelters. This is fuc*** real kids

I ain’t talking about no boy scout weekend gettaway camping trip neither. This isn’t about ghost stories and camp fires and drying your wet hiking socks overnight on a hanging line. This is some real end of days shit going on. This guy is moving serious equipment for people with serious funding.

I hate this world so much. Sometimes, I think I would be better off if I never existed.

I got super drunk and had sex with someone other than the guy I’m seeing. I can’t decide if I should tell him or not because I’m afraid of what his reaction would be

Am I an alcoholic if I spend an average of $800 to $900 a month on alcohol ? Does it matter if I’ve often wanted to quit drinking for the past 8 years?

It has been like two months since ive seen you and you are literally coming back tomorrow. this whole time everything was fine until I remembered you called me fat and that made my self image plumet and i questioned our relationship and if its even worth any of this. Ive been lonely and horny, i went onto a cam site and this guy told me to go on too. we went and basically touched ourselves until he came and i said i came but i lied of course bc i wanted to leave. he said i was beautiful and i guess thats something i wanted but i feel like absolute shit and i missed you for so long. we are going to have an open relationship and you said it doesnt rly bug you, the thought of me with other dudes. that really bothered me bc i dont understand why u want us to be monogomous now but open later bc u dont mind other ppl in the relationship. i am so lost. ive been crying all night. i have never done this before and i feel like i should break up with you but you havent let me in the past. maybe youd rather stay together in an open relationship than let nature take its course bc we are so far from each other for so long. the thought of tonight makes me shake with anxiety and i want to curl up and die at the thought of hurting you. i love you so much and i just want you to be happy and stay happy. i feel like i am hringing you down, and i feel that way until i remember things like you calling me fat or large and i get pissed again. the sound of all this is really unhealthy. i think once i see you ill know what to do. i have no feelings at all for anyone else, and that was our only rule that we have an open relarionship until we fall for someone else. I only lovr you and i only want to be with you but i feel like im going to hell and youll hate me forever and ever regardless of u “not caring” about me with other dudes. i love you so much and im so sorry, i never want to hurt you

This Valentines Day really got to me! I have always been alone on V day, even when I was married. I am almost 50 and have never received flowers from a guy! I have two married lovers at the moment. One said Happy V day to me about five times, said he was sorry he didnt' get me anything and visited me so we could kiss. the other one didn't even say Happy V day! I watched so many men buy flowers and year after year I get nothing! My life just sucks. And Yes I know I shouldnt be with married men. I am just venting my feelings of feeling inferior, worthless, used, frustrated, lonely, with no hope of anything getting better. I was so hurt this week I was ready to cry a few times in public!

if my cat wasnt here looking me in the face right now i would kill myself. i dont want to leave him alone.

People keep telling me I'm kind, smart, beautiful, but I'm not any of those things. I'm just good at pretending I am. I really wanted to help people to be someone that people could rely on, but it turns out I can't be. I feel completely useless to others. I don't think I've ever loved myself or even liked myself.

I've been told that I have angels watching over me and that I have a purpose, but I cannot imagine why angels would want to look out for someone like me when I can't even move to where I should be. I don't want to be where I am, but I no clue where I should go, what I should be, or how to even get there. I just feel like an utter waste of space.

I pretend to be this supporting big sibling sort of person, but the truth is I feel just as lost, alone, afraid, and self-lothing as the people I try to help. I didn't always feel this way, but as the years went by this feeling start to creep up on me. And I don't think I'll ever go back to feeling the way I did before: confident, sure of myself, and knowing where to go or what to do with my life.

I am currently stuck in a dead-end job and I feel like I'm just everyone's errand girl. I want a boyfriend, but I can't imagine what kind of guy would want someone like me. Maybe a happy, fulfilling life is just a pipe dream for me...

I purposefully made myself start smoking cigarettes everyday in 1997 when I was in high school because I really wanted to get addicted. What a fool. it worked. I thought it was sexy, so I deliberately made myself chain smoke more and more cigarettes everyday even when I didnt feel like it: Id make myself smoke more. Ive smoked every single day since then and I cant even go a half hour without needing another cigarette. they are making me very sick now but I know am unable to ever quit

"She needed love" WOW

https://www.buzzfeednews..../

If you say that you love me so why do you abandoned me? Why play games with my heart? I'm confused about love.

I'm afraid that even if I have good intentions that everything will backfire blow up in my face. Maybe I was just meant to be alone? No normal sane person could possibly understand why I hate myself so terribly. I'm a screw-up if you really want to understand why I feel this way about myself I'm a screwed up inside. I'm a loser. How could anyone possibly love me if I hate myself so terribly? I'm just afraid everyone's going to abandon me in the end. So this is why I push people away. self-love is not easy. Self love is like algebra. And people who are optimistic don't know what they're talkin about. Because they can't possibly relate to me and have the same problems that I have. And because optimistic people have life way too easy. Because I don't have to deal with emotional problems like me. And they didn't have to deal with emotional neglect like me. They can possibly understand what it's like to be our worst enemy. I feel alone in a state of melancholy. I feel constantly angry with myself. Sometimes I just want to punch myself in the face. I want to take the worst of me and kill it dead. I'm sick of being a broken child.