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I am 54 years old. When I was 18 I met a girl who was 16. She was adorable, happy, energetic. I fell in love with her very quickly. She became a part of my group of neighborhood friends. She is the younger sister of another member of that group. Although she dated a couple of my buddies, I was the one she came to for protection and a shoulder to cry on when they treated her poorly. I was the big brother she didn’t have. She would sit on my lap and put her arms around me, hug me, and kiss my face. Of course this made me crazy, but since she was always involved with one of my buddies I never did anything about it. Finally, one night we were partying at a friends house and her bf got completely hammered, so she asked me to walk her home. I saw this as an opportunity to tell her how I felt, and I did. I told her how amazing she is and that I though we could have an amazing life together. When we got to her house she kissed me on the cheek and went inside. She avoided me for the next couple of months but things gradually returned to normal. She never mentioned the conversation again and neither did I. I let it go and moved on. I was in love with her but I knew that she needed me as her big brother, so I accepted that. I couldn’t let her down. I started to drift from this group and a few years later I moved to another part of the state. I didn’t see this group again for 20 years. In that time I went through a marriage and a divorce. Eventually I came back down south for work. About 10 years ago one of my buddies from the old group contacted me. Turns out he married her and they had 2 kids. We got together one night and she treated me exactly they way she always has, and I had the same feelings all over again. Now my buddy is a totally solid dude, so I would never do anything about it, but I have to admit it was difficult. These days we get together as a group about once a year. She still treats me the same way, and I still have the same feelings. She is amazing. I just saw her a few weeks ago. She sat next to me most of the night, putting her hand on my arm the whole time she was talking to me. When I left she hugged me, told me I’m her big brother, and for the first time ever, told me she loves me. She also told me that she knows that if anything ever happened to my buddy I would be there for her. I said of course I would and asked her if she was planning anything. She laughed. I don’t expect anything to happen and I’m not trying to figure out how to make it happen. And I wouldn’t do that to my buddy. I am also currently in a LTR and I am very happy. I just needed to put this out in the universe. Just typing it out has made me feel better.

A bycicle built for three. Yes, two wives, nine kids, two houses side by side, all college educated, not Mormons, not from prior plural families. We all met in college, where we started our dating and getting to accept each other. Our life and family is a blast, our cups runneth order with love, God can I possibly describe what a great time, days, life, we have, what fulfillment our children have given us. God can we have more, please? One day with us and you will leave with the deepest appreciation of what family means.
Soap box closed, thank you.

i am turning 50 this year. i will have spent half my life married to my cousin. in these years i had four children, and now have a grand child.

for me, this is not how my life was supposed to be. very early i was attracted to girls, and i had several very deep crushes before i entered secondary school. my language teacher found me and worked hard for me to join her as a teacher and a nun. my parents thought her influence was religious, never suspecting i wad intimate with her and in love.

i was sent abroad to study, far away from her, i was sent to a non religious school in new york. there i met another foreign student and we became lovers. it was on a summer break during graduate school while she visited my home, that we were discovered. that is when i was married to my cousin and sent to live in paris, here he was attached to the embassy. my four children were born in paris. i adapted to being a diplomat's wife.

now at this late age i am in love again. she is a translator at our embassy, and she fills my days, something i have not felt since those days when i studied in new york. very much a hidden romance, for her sake and mine. it just feels so good to be in love, to steal moments, to escape into my other world.

neebs gaming was here

i hate my life as it is. i hate my job, i don't like nor respect the people i work with. my sisters are both idiots that continue making the same bad decisions over and over and over and have raised their children making the same mistakes over and over and over to the point that i don't even want to be around any of them at all. my husband is a functioning alcoholic and has been for years. nothing i say or do changes that. i get so sick of watching him drink himself into passing out each night that i look at him and i think, "you disgust me!" my sons are grown and chose women who are weak and mentally ill. one is bipolar and the other is a manic depressive. one son has 3 children that i love dearly but at their current ages of 11, 9 & 6 they are choosing their mothers bad behaviors and i can't stand to be around them any more and i love them more than i could have ever imagined loving anyone but they are rude and disrespectful and i can't take it any more...i love my husband but he loves me more than i love him. i love him because we have been together so long, but i am not in love with him. sex has been over for years. years. he tries to have sex but only in the am and i hate am sex and yet when i give into it it's nothing but bad breath and literally he rolls on top, sticks it in and rolls of 60 seconds later. wtf! i have asked and talked and tried to discuss sex over the years but he just will not listen. he can't do it at night b/c of medication and booze. it literally makes me cringe when he pokes me with his half ass hard on in the am and i can't get out of bed fast enough to avoid the 60 seconds of humiliation. how the fuck have i allowed my life to get this bad? on the outside it all looks like roses. i have a great job making great money with great benefits. i have a nice husband that is smart and talented and makes good money. i have three adorable looking grandchildren that i do things with but i am miserable because i am living a lie and i don't know how to fix it...i recently lost my father and i keep thinking how short his life was, he was 77. i keep thinking of all the living i am missing out on. i know every family has issues, but i think this has come to a head that is about to explode. i want to truly live but my financial obligations to our home and life weigh me down. i can't move and i can't stop crying and i am sick of being this version of me. i don't know how to stop the craziness. i talk and talk and try to make changes, but it's not working. i suppose i need to focus more on myself and stop talking and start living my own life inside the one i am in and see where that goes. i feel very alone and think that there are many more people living this same lie too.

after my sister's wedding, i was talking with a guy who is about 10 years older than i (i am 22). i am a guy too, by the way. he was very touchy, putting his hand on my shoulder when we talked and sitting very close to me at a table. my new brother in law came over to me and whispered "that guy is gay, you know." i acted surprised but i was actually intrigued. i walked outside with him and he asked if i needed a ride home. i told him no, because i was with my brother. he asked me to tell my brother i didn't need his ride. against all i felt was right i did it and went with the guy. well, i ended up getting a bj from the guy. he didn't have me touching him, but he did masturbate while he did me. afterward i felt kind of guilty and i hope my brother in law doesn't know i left with him; no one asked who i was riding with and most of the people were dancing and talking and not paying attention to who came and left. i don't feel like i want it to happen again but it wasn't a bad experiment. i can see why guys like to get head. it was my first.

do you hear yourself ?!!?!? you have the early stages of dementia and think you'll be able to handle your money for the rest of your life. oh please. stop trying to control it, your plans never work. !!!

after 25 yrs of marriage all the romance was off, still friends, and everything, but no romance. i guess out of a form of loneliness he went off and got himself a girlfriend, a cute late twenies hispanic who worked hard but never had anything. we never talked about it, but i knew how he felt and he took care of her.

one day he came home with her, to the house. she was not happy about being there because he sprung it on her too. i guess he had been sleeping with her for about a year by then. it was both awkward and at the same time, matter of fact, this is my lover and i want to sleep with her, and i don't want to give up my marriage (financial issues).

well, after a set of very open and heated discussions, it was if she sleeps here, you move out of the bedroom, and he was having her sleep here and i was supposed to move out (we had a king bed). she wasn't so thrilled at this, but he took her to our bedroom and got her in bed (like i said she was not very happy right then), and shit, i wasn't going to sleep in the guest room so i went and got in bed with them.

afte a while we fell asleep (at least i did) he was hugging her and my back was to him. i woke up to the bed moving, he was humping her from the side with her face towards me when i turned over. no where to go and very well along on her way, all i did was watch until he finished.

the whole thing got me so turned on and hot, like nothing had in years, like since i was her age probably. sizzle in the bedroom, the next day all i could do was think of that. watching him with her, and really watching her was the most erotic experience of my life.

if she can handle it, she is not at ease with any of this, but if she can, she can visit. i would love to have a shared experience, some for her and some for me, i think i would like to do that.

i want to feel free to wear crop tops but i just know my parents would have a problem with it. i'm 21 and they still control or try to control every aspect of my life. and yes, i am making an effort to get out of this house.

at this party where they had a great dance band my best friend and i danced all night to the best band ever. between dances we stood and we held hands, we slow danced, head to head, and i kissed her and she returned my kiss. her lips were so sweet, the best kiss ever. we found a moment and really made out, before going back in.

i forgot completely about my boyfriend who was drinking with his friends. that night it was just the two of us dancing. the best night ever. i don't want the feeling to end. i want to kiss her again and again. i don't want the magic to end.

missing you tonight mike. don't understand why you haven't replied to my 2 messages. all i do is think of you. i'm in a 3 yr relationship with someone i cheated on for 2 yrs. he's beautiful. wish you'd just fucking talk to me.

sex with men is overrated. sure you need to get banged once in a while. but not for living. for living it is way much better to share your life with another woman. a woman understands you and you have a connection. at least i do. my woman friend, i will call her my significant other, she and i are one soul together. we live for each other. every once i a while i need to get banged. just sex with a guy to get it out of my system. no strings, nothing. for that i have a friend who comes and services me. that is what i call it, getting services. he comes over, ties me down and fucks me until he has had enough. it is up to him to decide what he wants to do. when i am being serviced my significant other goes and spends some time with her sister. when he is done, he texts her and she comes back and unties me. sometimes it lasts a couple of hours, and one time he kept me tied down for an entire day. it is his choice. that is our arrangement.

i work in internal audit. i went on a 10 day trip to various of the company's locations with the vp finance. since i went with him i was given the same class of travel he has. 10 days is a long time and he got the benefit of my company, from the second day on. we rented two rooms and everything, but he had me sleep with him. part of the introduction to corporate benefits. as i understand it taking me on the trip was one of his perks, he picks a girl and she goes with him, the key word is 'with'. now that we are back i am supposed to be available for him whenever he needs me for special projects, that is the expression they use. it is an open secret that once you are chosen by them, them being the executives, you usually get promoted and paid really well. he already gives me highly sensitive matters to work on, i am on a special team of analysts, still in internal audit but seconded to his team. i am invited to join him and enjoy his company.

all i want to say is that i did not pursue this. he picked me and i didn't know anything about this special relationship that i now have. sleeping with him from my part was me giving myself to him, he made me fall for him. maybe i am too simple minded to understand, if you spent one day with him you would fall for him too. he is the most amazing man i have ever met. i will say it because it is true, i am in love with him now. and he is very fond of me. i don't want to believe he is lying to me, but when he and i are together it is like there is no tomorrow or yesterday. i did not go out and pursue this, i just happened to work here and i met him by doing to some work for him and he chose me. i am sorry if other people see it as being bad. he is under a lot of stress and if i can help him relieve his stress i am more than happy to be there for him. that is something i can do, be with him when he needs to be with a woman.

i am so upset how the other members of my department are treating me. and it is the women, the guys don't care. he chose me. he did not chose one of them, i am sorry.

my mother in law is a totally fucked up bitch. she is so judgemental and full of shit. she didn't let me date my wife alone, so we had to sneak out. my wife was so scared that our first time having sex, she thought she was destined to hell. my wife grew up so scared of anything to do with sex, that it has taken years of my giving her therapy to let her know that every woman out there gets fucked, has her pussy eaten, and half the women give up their asshole too.

but now, i have the goods on my mother in law. turns out she had a kid when she was fourteen, my wife's half sister. she gave up the kid for adoption, to her older cousin who was already married. but the truth is out, because i found some old pictures of her, two pictures, of when she was pregnant. he mother had them in a set of papers she kept and when we were cleaning out her house to move her to a nursing home i found them. her mother also told me what they did with the kid after she was born. her mother is totally matter of fact about it, even told me the name of the kids father.

next time my mother in law gives my wife shit, i am going to pull her aside and tell her i know her secret. that will shut her up once and for all and leave my wife alone. that woman sure fucked up my wife, i hope she rots in hell.

i want to be turned into a ladies roll of toilet paper, she can wipe her butt with me then flush me away

shouldn't have given in. ugh

i watched my daughter (16) having sex with her boyfriend (18). she sucked his cock, he ate her out, they fucked in 3 different positions. he finished off fucking her from behind doggy style. i got hard and masturbated.

i had sex with (raped) a girl who was passed-out in a bedroom at a party. she was 15 or something and i was 25 at the time. that was over 20 years ago and it still provides me with sexual fuel. i should kick it up a notch.

the feeling i have right now is one of great immense sorrow, pain, and fear….
but it is masked by great anger, and twichiness…

the pain in my gut is so indescribably terrible…

at certain moments i identify the area of this pain i’m feeling. i realize this and i have an urge to rip out my intestine in that spot, as if that would cure the problem..

i am so mad at the world, and all of it’s inhabitants for allowing something like this to take place, and not doing everything they can in order to stop its occurrence. but i know they are not me and cannot feel it. and ofcoarse i understand it is hard…

i could do so much more… but it is incredibly hard, for so many reasons to do any of it.

sometimes after it’s gone away for long enough i throw caution to the wind, stupidly thinking that it’s worth it…

i know now in my state of pain that everything must be done in order to rid the world of suffering, especially of this nature.

why don’t other’s recognize that more. is it my duty to inform them of what it is i’m going through. how possibly could i…. i don’t know.

i love him so much that i want to hug him so much every min of the day... but i know that he would not like it.