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when we were still in school i did some things with the girl next door which i am not proud of. we are older now, she just graduated from college and she has made it quite clear to me that she considers herself my girlfriend. i dated in college but not to the point of having a permanent girlfriend. i know she didn't date, just group get togethers.

she is quite serious about how she feels and she is expecting a serious commitment and marriage. things are moving real fast since she graduated, our parents are neighbors so there are lots of occasions when we get together. her parents are pleased with her choice. my parents think she is the right girl for me. it has gone so far that she has told her friends and family that we are planning on getting married later this summer. my mother has told me to fix a date, because it takes six months to get a wedding put together. i cannot hurt her feelings. she is the one person in the world that i simply cannot hurt. if you ask me if i have feelings for her, i do. would i die for her, i think i would. she is like my little sister.

i'll be the first to admit that letting someone else into your world is hard. i tried to balance two loves and failed but i wouldn't give it back.

that being said my shell is back on tight and i'm not coming out again.

i can't stand my husband's family. most of them are redneck users. his brother used drugs yrs ago and his brain is fried, his niece is with a druggie, his sister is on prescription drugs.

most of his family when they want help turn to us. i act like it's no problem, but secretly i wish he would tell them to screw themselves and go to work.

his cousin always has a hard luck story about how people can't take care of her grand daughter like her. it's never that she is to fucking lazy to work though.

please get off your asses and go to work and quit bumming money from us.

ever since the first time i got dick i liked it.

i don't have much self control. in high school i was one of those girls that was an easy lay, if you took me out you got laid. there were only two guys in high school that i didn't fuck, one was a black guy who just turned me off completely and the other was this kid who was younger than me who i later found out was gay.

after high school things didn't change. i am trying to get away from that. i moved to another town because everyone knows the kind of girl i was (am). i am trying to start a new life. i really regret what i did.

i want to be a teenage girl who is:
1) not allowed to wear socks or hose with shoes
2) not allowed to wear underwear
3) not allowed to take birth control pills
4) is allergic to latex
5) is forced to chain smoke the number of packs of cigarettes per week equal to the number of years old i am. *

*so for instance: if i was 14 years old is have to smoke at least 14 packs a week (or two
packs a day); then when i was 18 years old i'd have to smoke 18 packs a week; by the time i was 21, i'd have to smoke 21 packs a week... etc.

i wonder how long before i'd get lung cancer? could i get lung cancer by age 35?!

my god that would be a sexy way to go!!! being a sexy chainsmoking woman in her mid thirties sporting sexy high heels and bare legs and slavishly smoking one cigarette after another while drying from lung cancer!!!

why the fuck does cnn keep showing these fucking "tree people" on the main news page. fucking disgusting shit growing out of their limbs - a couple of weeks ago it was the guy with the hands, now some disgusting child has it on her face. and they always come from some horrible god forsaken disgusting place like india. no one wants to see that shit.

bespoke, untrue!

one time i attempted suicide, and mailed my suicide note to my best friend. when i was still alive and she read the note explaining that i was dead and why i was dead... you can guess that it was extremely awkward. she understood, but i thought i had canceled my delivery of the note, so i didn't expect her to approach me asking me what is wrong and what compelled me to try to kill myself.

i didn't report a needlestick injury because it was too busy and i was embarrassed

my apologies where not broken.

How much have I saved over the years thanks to a wank just in time? Impossible to know.

in the early 70s i hung out with this group of people who were make believe hippies, we called ourselves a family. at the time we shared a house near a college campus. at the time i was in my early twenties and a guy, a vietnam vet, moved into the garage apartment next door. he moved in on me and took me over and moved me in with him and kept me as a live in for the entire time he was in college, which was about five years. i worked at a paint store and he got his gi bill and worked part time. during that time i had one child. when he got his degree he left me and the baby, and i moved back in with my family in that house. they were of course not my family just a group of people who could not get life together. after several months i left and went back to my parents and asked for help.

by the time i came to understand what my life was i was 30 with a child and no means of support. life was hard for me and i was not able to move out of my parent's home, and live in that house now that they have passed. i have regretted my choices when i was young, regretted ever getting together with those people, and regretted moving in with my child's father. regrets don't do anything for you, except to make your life seem like it was not worth living. my parents who worked gave my child a life, not me. that is my biggest regret.

my husband wakes up early for work and comes back very late at night. i stay home, clean, and house keep.. but i miss him. i wish he didn't have to work so long and late. i'm all alone all day, every day. i don't mind being alone so much.. i just wish he didn't have to work so much and could stay at home with me from time to time. he is a professional driver (don't get excited and think race cars) and he has to be on the road all day. it worries me, but i know he is safe... i miss him. when will he be home tonight... 8? 10? 12? ... why do i wait.. i should distract myself somehow.. i just want to hold him. massage him. feed and comfort him. i feel like working so much is just beyond stressful. i want to help and love as much as i can. *sigh* but he's not here... i miss him. :(

sometimes, when i feel bad, i come here and read all the spiteful, hateful, mean and rude comments --- and it reminds me that most folks are arrogant jerks never to be trusted. whyever would i honestly share my secrets with you losers?

why does this asshat in my office keep telling me somebody with a high powered rifle is going to fix this bullshit in washington?

no he isn't. this guy is a total push over - he lets the korean lady at the lunch counter bully him and push him around

he ain't gonna change nothing

if i ever ended up in prison i think i would welcome all the cock. i would willingly bend over to pick up the bar of soap. i'd be everyone's favorite bitch. my asshole would stretch 3 sizes bigger. i would get fat from all the cum i'd be digesting. i'd be shitting cum too! yup, prison would be a 24/7 cumfest and i would love it!

i'm afraid i'm going to fail

i'm afraid i'm doing it wrong

i'm afraid i'm going to lose what i have in my hands

i'm afraid i'm going to blow it

i'm afraid i'm going to destroy my marriage

i'm afraid i'm going to lose the pretty good job i have right now and be punished just for looking at other options

i'm afraid i'm going to be found out

i'm afraid that my wife will find out that i've been talking to my ex girlfriend from college for the past two years even through i haven't done anything more than that i'm still scared it's already too late

i'm afraid those conversations with my ex girlfriend have been leading me astray and making me question my own happiness with my life

i'm afraid that i'm going to blow a pretty good marriage to a good person who's probably too attractive to be married to me over an old friendship, and arguably a deeper friendship, with an old flame i never stoppped loving

i'm afraid i'm going to start out as this great father to my 2 year old daughter but that i'm the very near future, maybe the next year or two, i'm going to blow it all

i'm afraid i'm going to collapse one of these good things i have going for me and that they will all collapse around me after that

i'm afraid it's too late

saw a young it at court this morning wearing shoes without socks and a short skirt with bare legs, despite how freezing cold it is outside... and she smelled like an ashtray.

i immediately wanted to impregnate her. her birthday is in 1998 - that's when i graduated high school...

she was there for a drug diversion program for substance abuse. she went outside in the freezing cold for a smoke break four different times in less than an hour.

i helped her out and gave her a really good deal and asked gor her cell number. then i gave her my cell number and told her that she would need to check in with me every day in person for the next 90 days to be sure she is following probation.

i told her we can meet at places like the coffee shop to check in and that she didn't have to come to court everyday.

she was really thankful.

i love my job.

in high school i dated mike, he was also dating meghan. back and forth, he dated us both, and to be honest we ended up hanging out together a lot, even for prom, although he went with me, she went alone, or went there alone, because she spent the whole evening with us.

in college, i went to one school she went to another school and he went back and forth to both schools seeing us both. again, we spent so much time together and we all three studied abroad in england at the same time.

after college he was commissioned and was deployed, he suggested that we share an apartment so we could support each other while he was deployed. during his deployment we found ourselves closer and closer and closer until one day we just got physically close and ended up sleeping together. it was a surprise to both of us, recognizing our feelings and we admitted to having had close feelings, we had just never acted out on them.

we didn't tell him of course because we didn't want him to be thinking about that.

when he came home we told him. he was understanding but not really. he is our dearest friend but he is not over it. he wants the old arrangement but we don't want to encourage him. right now we are still figuring out our feelings for each other and how we want to live with each other (the one thing is that we are very sure we want to be with each other). we are still learning how to tell each other about our love, we weren't taught how to do this, it isn't the easiest thing in the world you know, to just become lesbians. i mean it took us several months of just living together to even use that word. for me to say i am a lesbian is still hard and for meghan it is easier, she knew before me, but believe me we don't say it out loud to other people yet. we are not out in that sense.

this election is pure doom